the dancer's blog (:

2007-12-31T22:08:00.000-08:00

Wednesday, 26th December 2007
Went bowling at Safra with Valarie, Jia Qi, Cheryl, Adeline, Johnathan and Keith (: It's been ages since I've last bowled. Striked a few times. And those were the times when I'm in luck (:

Received a Little Miss Brainy T-shirt from Valarie as a Christmas present :) We were on the phone the night before, and somehow I was ranting about how common the Little Miss tees are among the girls, and it's too common till it doesn't look nice and special anymore when Valarie told me, "What if I bought you a Little Miss tee?" I was flabbergasted when she told me that. But nevertheless, I'll still wear it because it's a gift from my best friend :)

Friday, 28th December 2007
Attended a wedding dinner at Orchard Hotel but missed a barbecue session with the cell. Anyway, I really enjoyed myself during the wedding dinner. It was somehow my long-lost childhood friend's wedding. He's 28, and my sisters and I used to go over to his place to play with him and his sister, who is my sister's kindergarten classmate. (Too confusing or just right?) I'll upload more pictures taken on the night in the near future. Can't upload it now because I'm having some technical problems with Blogger :(

Saturday, 29th December 2007
It is the last service of the year. It's time to let go of 2007. At the same time, thank God for everything that He has done for us this year :) The P6s have graduated into our cells and to my surprise, 16 new members are added to PS cell! But only 1 got into Greenview :( Anyway, I had lots of fun with Chanelle and Charmaine. They were making me laugh throughout the whole Zone Gathering. They're really a joy to me-always making me laugh, and enjoying cell with me :)

Monday, 31st December 2007
Today is 2007. Tomorrow will be 2008. I'm sure everyone is now preparing for the upcoming year ahead. As we wrap up 2007 and get ready for 2008, there are certain things that we have to do. And it's to let go.

Let go of all the things we've done,
let go of anything that we've left undone.

As for me, it's been a really great, exhausting, wonderful, and a.. (hmmm.... how do I say?) a complete year :) I've been through and conquered 2007. There are many events that I can't bear to let go because it's either too memorable, or too enjoyable events. But nevertheless, I still have to. Like.. how I got over the fact that I'm wearing braces and those days when I struggled to eat when my mom had always been constantly supporting me, and bearing my annoying-ness and tantrums I always throw at her, how I had a hard time conquering the Mid-Year exams, how 23rd June happened, those evangelistic services that were held in Megalife, how I forgave and forget, how I ended this year's End-Of-Year examination and how well I did for it, how I started working at EK and how much I enjoyed and dreaded working at times. Last but not least, how I happily survived [ONE] camp and got to love my cell so much more! :D

This year has really been a blessing to me. I thank God for how much I grew stronger in life, and in spritual faith. I thank God for all the new friends I've made. I thank God for everything that happened in 2007 which made me to be what I am today. I thank God for my dad, my mom, my 2 sisters, and all my friends who have helped me along this year.

It's 9:18PM now. I better get changed and head down to EK for countdown!! It's party time, baby :P

Happy New Year, everyone. I hope 2007 has been a great year for you guys. Look forward to 2008. Because I believe it's going to be yet another exciting and wonderful year (:

P.S This is my last post of the year and, sadly, of the blog.... But don't delete my link or rather, stop visiting my blog yet! Reason will be disclosed very soon. (I'll make sure I upload photos of the wedding too xD) Due to time constraint now, I have to end this final post in a short and sweet way. Till then, my friend.

And it's time to.. let go.
With love, Maeve.

2007-12-25T14:59:00.000-08:00

Friday, 21st December 2007
I haven't been dancing for a very very long time. My muscles are so tensed up as a result of not stretching for many months. Thus, dance practice today was a torture. During warm up, I had such a hard time stretching. My flexibility wasn't as good as last time :( Well, we just refreshed the SYF steps and most of the time, we discussed about our barbeque the following day (:

Headed for EK's annual Christmas party after dance. Played Tombola and there were attractive prizes to be won. I enjoyed the party even though I didn't win anything. I got Nicole's gift exchange present, though. Haha! Her present is darn hilarious :D

Went to Changi Beach Club to Kbox after the party with some colleagues. Had a lot of fun. And I really mean A LOT. And that was the first time I went out with some of them, and went to Kbox. I'm glad that I went out with them. We bonded and got to know one another better (: Come, meet my colleagues (:

Ivan, who always asks me to snap photos here and there and he loves to sing.

Ah Boon, the hilarious one and has a contagious laughter.

Wei Shan, the blur and feminine one, and Cai Yan, the gentle and shy one.

Hafiz

Hafiz asked me to snap the following 3 shots (which I reluctantly did! Haha)

Here we are :D

Everything ended around 10pm and Daniel fetched all of us home. (He is only 19 and he drives!) And Zul, and Hafiz rode their motorcycle and scooter respectively. Hafiz made me remember about Po from Teletubbies-the cute, red coloured one with the scooter and calls it "Po 'cooter". That made me reminisce about my childhood times...

Before heading home, Ivan aka Chi Kong suggested that we should go visit the Red House. Poor Wei Shan was so terrified at the very mention of "the Red House" and somehow, she was deterring Daniel not to drive us there. Eventually, we dropped by there. Due to the lack of excitement and adrenaline rushes while staying in the car, and being the first time there, Ivan requested to get out of the car and walked nearer to the Red House.

Reached home around 11 and I was knackered. Couldn't be bothered to do anything else but get washed up and sleep. Sleeping is really gooooood actually. A lack of sleep may cause severe depression, anxiety and stress. On top of that, we may find ourselves snacking at odd times and growing sideways, because sleep deprivation creates cravings for carbohydrates! So people, it's vital that we should have 10 hours of sleep every night on a regular basis. Therefore, sleeping is not a waste of time. So grab a pillow now and start snoozing! :D

Saturday, 22nd December 2007
Had Megalife Christmas Service and I was very late because it was raining and I was soaking wet so I spent a long time in the toliet drying myself up and I waited a while before I get into the Victory Chapel if not I would be shivering to death! I sat with Chanelle and Charmaine and fortunately, we didn't miss a lot on the service (:

There was a choir and a mime too. It's very meaningful and the song blended in very well, and the sight was very touching. Samuel was God and Shi Wei was you, and me. Initially, they were drawing a cross (i think) together then later on, there were people who acted as distractions of the world-pulling us away from God. We struggled, we fought and we got ourselves into a big mess. That's why God sent His son, Jesus, down to Earth to save us by crucifying on the cross to pay for all our sins. Also, He defended all other distractions of the world for us so that we may be free from them. The mime was breathtaking indeed.

I saw Christie!!! She was sitting a few rows in front of me but she didn't see me. Only when I was walking out of church to Downtown East and she shouted my name so loudly that I couldn't even hear :( Glad that she came back from Perth though. And it's a MUST to go out with her :D

Had Modern Dance barbeque after cell (which was way hilarious and I enjoyed it a lot!). When I reached there, everyone was soaking wet except me! Haha. I was very hungry but I ate very little. After that I met up with Sweetheart till midnight to spend the first few minutes of 6th month :P

P.S Thank you Alethea, Danielle, Clarissa, Renee, Jolynn and Vanessa for the Christmas gifts and cards :)

Sunday, 23rd December 2007

Happy 6th month :D
Happy Birthday to Jolynn :D

Met up with Jolynn to spend quality time. I'm really glad that we met up. The time we had somehow brought us closer together (: After that, we met the cell boys. They were spending their cash on Lan! Each paid $7! Wow. The boys made us wait outside the Lan shop for nearly 2 hours! (This is who we call the Pasir Ris boys) But, it was worthwhile though. We witnessed the way they bond together-all of them are playing Dota so they shout across the room to get their message over to each other. The sight was pretty hilarious :D

Had lunch at KFC and for the whole time, they were talking about Dota, dota and more dota! Jolynn and I couldn't even understand a single thing! >.<

Tuesday, 25th December 2007

Dear God, thank You for sending Jesus down to this fallen world to die for our sins 2000 years ago. This is indeed the greatest love that anyone can ever know. I keep picturing in my mind how Jesus hung on that cross with His nail-pierced hands, dying and suffering, to pay for our sins. I'm really unworthy of such great love. But we've come to this Earth to live, and to serve Him, to worship, and to enthrone Him. Because we, sinners have fallen. Some turned away from God. But nevertheless, we-you and me are made in the image of God. He will guide us and protect us from the devil who is here to kill, steal, and destroy. But God is here to save. So draw near to Him, and He will draw near to you. Don't turn down this love of God. A love that is unconditional, and accepts us for who we are.

Have a very blessed Merry Christmas, everyone. Enjoy Christmas, and always remember why we're celebrating it :)

Send me an Ecard at http://www.teletubbies.co.uk/en/birthday-celebration-ecard.asp pleaseeee ;P

P.S I took 4 days to blog this post! >.<

2007-12-19T19:00:00.000-08:00

Sunday, 16th December 2007
Boon, Daniel, Nicole, Raihannah and Li Ying were with me from 4-10pm at EK. That day rocks like no other! I have not a tinest bit of an idea why. I just had fun working that day. Boon was making me laugh so hard till my sides and cheeks hurt. And his laughter is contagious, I tell you. He is so hilarious and it's really a joy working there (:

I made friends with Sarah, Tony, William and Alex. These 4 children are siblings from Indonesia and they're very hilarious and friendly. I met them at EK a couple of times so somehow, we started talking to one another. The first time I met them was when they were at laughing and scaring themselves at the computer at http://www.winterrowd.com/ and from then on, I got to know them (: Intended to take a photo with them but they left already. Well, hope they'll drop by again soon (: [Oh, you guys should go to that website above. Haha!]

Met 2 hilarious and joyous girls too. One of the girls laugh like Ah Boon. Haha. Took pictures of them.

Ah Boon and Daniel got a hair cut from the cleaner working at EK. He is really a great hairstylist, man! Might consider asking a hair cut from him some time (:

Monday, 17th December 2007

Happy 1st Anniversary, Sweetheart :D

Today marks the 1st year-11.01pm and 11.31pm (: It's been a year already. Wow. Time passes so fast!

Apparrently, Sweetie is sick since Saturday and he lost his phone a few weeks back. So didn't manage to wish him although I know it's rather silly to do so. Anyway, I nursed him on Saturday after cell and his fever subsided a little. Thanks to Maeve, the Great Nurse (:

Had work in the morning. Something funny took place.

There's this small Caucasian boy, Louka, who has beautiful and attractive grey eyes. He was playing alone so I decided to accompany him to play. When he slides down the slide, he'll scream at his highest pitch even when he is not even scared at all. Basically, he just screams for the sake of screaming. That, which makes me laughs at his adorable being.

So I was playing with him for quite sometime when he suddenly speaks to me in a language which is totally foreign to me. If I'm not wrong, I heard "sister" in Malay language. So I brought Louka to Hafiz and asks him to interpret for me. So Hafiz assumes that he wants to go to the toilet.

I brought him to the toilet and I saw Yani and she helped Louka with his "toilet trip" because I didn't dare to do it. In the end, Louka ended up doing his business in the toilet! Haha. Yani called for Hafiz to clean up his a** and we were all laughing away in the toilet. Hafiz took a mop and a duster and asked me if he could use those to wipe Louka's a**. I was practically laughing till my face turn lobster red!

After all that happened, Hafiz disinfected his hands umpteen times. So hilarious :D

Oh. I saw Afiq, Anwar and Isyraf while working! They were pretty shocked to see me. Haha. And, HAPPY BIRTHDAY AFIQ! (:

Tuesday, 18th December 2007

I finished reading 'Keeping Faith'. But, I lost the 10 cents to my mom :( Oh well, 'Keeping Faith' is goooood :D It came to a good and predictable ending. I love the way Jodi Picoult writes. She has some tactics in giving a twist to the story that kind of thing. And now, I'm on my 4th book-'Where Rainbows End' by Cecelia Ahern (again). Although her books contain some vulgarities, the stories are great (: In fact, I wanted to complete 10 books in 2 months! How ambitious I am........

Okay, I've started on 'Where Rainbows End' and I chanced upon this passage which tugged my heartstrings.

Life is funny, isn't it? Just when you think you've got it all figured out, just when you finally begin to plan something, get excited about it and feel like you know what direction you're heading in, the paths change, the wind blows the other way, north is suddenly south, and east is west and you're lost. It is so easy to lose your way, to lose direction.

It's true, isn't it? Sometimes we always begin with an end in mind. But along the way, obstructions come in your way and prevents us from succeeding. Well, as long as we're determined get back on track and start running along the path which heads to our destination, everything will be all right. That's what I've learnt so far (:

Welcome Christie and Norman back from Perth :D

*Somehow Norman and I don't talk as much as the last time.......

2007-12-14T18:27:00.000-08:00

I'm halfway through "Keeping Faith". That's good? :/

Anyway, I've been wanting to learn a lot of things nowadays.
1. I want to learn Figure Skating. (The new EK has an ice skating ring! :D)
2. I want to learn Rhythmic Gymnastics.
3. I want to learn Synchronised Swimming.
4. I want to learn this acrobatic thingy whereby there are many long and thick ribbons hanging from the ceiling and the acrobatics will have to do stunts in the air like dancing in the air! (That's totally awesome!)

I've yet to figure what's the name of that activity in number 4, though (:

Okay, I'm off to watch the Sea Games. There better be Rhythmic Gymnastics, man. They are to die for :D

Cheer up, Clara! Friends do go through conflicts at times. If there weren't these times, how will your friendship with her grow? I'm glad everything is fine now. FRIENDS FOREVER! :D

To Wen Fen: I saw my name on your blog!! :D Don't worry, we'll go out on a date real soooooon :D

I'm off now, with love..

PS. Christie is coming back from Australia in 2 days' time!!! :DDDD

2007-12-12T19:15:00.000-08:00

I've finished reading "PS. I love you" way long before camp but I haven't had the time to blog about it. I know many many many many people have read it long long ago before me. But it doesn't matter :) So here goes..

I've finally ended the deal with "PS. I love you" by Cecelia Ahern. The ending is perfect! The way Cecelia closes each chapter is so complete and neat. This book made me grow stronger: to hang on to little hopes that make me believe. It's so captivating and you guys should read it. And be prepared to read in awe! (:

"Tuesdays with Morrie" is fantastic. You guys should read this book by Mitch Albom and be prepared for a life-changing experience! :D Okay, I shall now narrate my experience while reading this book.

"Taking Attendance" taught me life lessons. After reading this chapter. I realised that we shouldn't idle our days away, doing things that don't make our life count. Instead, spend each and every single day wisely and savouring each and every moment of our lives. I'm impressed by what this chapter taught me.

I got this from somewhere in the book. But somehow, I forgot which page it was from.

"My days were full, yet I remained, much of the time, unsatisfied."

Let me quote a few passages I adore most (:

"One afternoon, I am complaining about the confusion of my age, what is expected of me versus what I want for myself.

'Have I told you about the tension of opposites?' he says.

The tension of opposites?

'Life is a series of pulls back and forth. You want to do one thing, but you are bound to do something else. Something hurts you, yet you know it shouldn't. You take certain things for granted, even when you know you should never take anything for granted.

'A tension of opposites, like a pull on a rubber band. And most of us lives somehwhere in the middle.'

Sounds like a wrestling match, I say.

'A wrestling match." He laughs. 'Yes, you could describe life that way.'

So which side wins, I ask?

'Which side wins?'

He smiles at me, the crinkled eyes, the crooked teeth.

'Love wins. Love always wins.'

From the passage above, I learnt about life :)

"Mitch, you asked about caring for people I don't even know. But can I tell you the thing I'm learning most with this disease?"

What's that?

"The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in."

His voice dropped to a whisper. "Let it come in. We think we don't deserve love, we think if we let it in we'll become too soft. But a wise man Levine said it right. He said, 'Love is the only rational act.' "

And from this passage above, I learnt about love.

"On this day, Morrie says he has an exercise for us to try. We are to stand, facing away from our classmates, and fall backward, relying on another student to catch us. Most of us are uncomforatble with this, and we cannot let go for more than a few inches before stopping ourselves. We laugh in embarrassment.

Finally, one student, a thin, quiet, dark-haired girl whom I notice almost always wears a bulky white fisherman sweaters, crosses her arms over her chest, closes her eyes, leans back, and does not flinch, like one of those Lipton tea commercials where the model splashes into the pool.

For a moment, I am sure she is going to thump on the floor. At the last instant, her assigned partner grabs her head and shoulders and yanks her up harshly.

'Whoa!' several students yell. Some clap.

Morrie finally smiles.

'You see,' he says to the girl, ' you closed your eyes. That was the difference. Sometimes you cannot believe what you see, you have to believe what you feel. And if you are ever going to have other people trust you, you must feel that you can trust them, too-even when you are in the dark. Even when you're falling."

Lastly, I learnt about trust :)

I realised something on page 53. "Why are we embarrassed by silence? What comfort do we find in all the noise?" It's always good to be in the presence of silence and listen to all kinds of sounds around you, isn't it? This is why I enjoy serenity (:

And to anyone out there, I can lend you "Tuesdays with Morrie" if you are interested in the book. Just text me or drop me a call (:

I started reading "Keeping Faith" by Jodi Picoult last week. This book is a little religious, though. Here is the summary: For the second time in her marriage, Mariah White catches her husband with another woman, and Faith, their seven-year-old daughter, witnesses every painful minute. In the aftermath of a sudden divorce, Mariah struggles with depression and Faith begins to confide in an imaginary friend (whom they call God).

I've read one-quarter of the book and I have to read finish it by this week to earn 10 cents from my mom! :D

I still have 4 books to borrow and read.

1) Dear John by Nicholas Sparks

2) Daniel isn't talking by Marti Leimbach

3) Where rainbows end by Cecelia Ahern

4) Lilac bus by Maeve Binchy

Can anyone lend me any books of the above if you have it, please? (:

And, some wierd thought just came upon me-I don't understand why people can't cultivate the habit of reading. And I don't think these people will understand why I can.

2007-12-08T19:24:00.000-08:00

I have thousands of things to blog. Shall blog about 1st December till 7th December first (:

1st December - 5th December 2007

Had Nick Vujicic's service. It was awesome! I did First Time Visitor counter with Yolanda and we were assigned the entrance of the church with clipboards. We saw Nick Vujicic coming out of the van and we went over to hug him. Man, he is so loving! When he hugs you, he doesn't have any arms to put it around you. Instead, he necks you and he'll say "Love you" :D

Service was fantastic with him! I've learnt a lot from him, really. Although he doesn't have any limbs, he still delights in life and smiles at the simplest things. He doesn't mourn over and over again about the way he is but he accepts it and he is a blessing to others (:

There are two things he said which caught my attention - "If you place happiness in temporary things, your happiness will only be temporary." and "Hold on to God and He would hold on to you."

Nick shared and made me realise and understand that God doesn't put you in a situation which is tough just because He wants you to be in it. It's because He wants you to impact others with your experience. Just like how Nick is - he is a man without limbs but yet, God is using him to impact others. And yes, Nick impacted me, a lot.

Nick mentioned about being in a broken family. God doesn't put me in this situation because He wants me to be in it. It's because He wants me to impact others :)

I wonder, "Why is Nick always smiling even when he is physically disabled?" And He says, "Because God wants me to impact others by the way I am now, that is why I always smile." And then, he shows us a wide smile :D That is absoutely heart-warming.

I really thank God for Nick Vujicic - a man who is so courageous and ready to take up any challenge that is charging towards him. I am stronger by the impact Nick made on me and I thank God for that. This is an experience which I'll never forget (:

From a life without limbs to a life without limits - Nick Vujicic <33

After Nick's service, Megalife [ONE] camp began! Shall not go into details about every single thing. So many awesome events happened that I don't even know how to put it into words and even if I do, I will be narrating a story then!

I thank you Jasmine for paying 3/4 of my camp fees. Without her, I would not be able to go for camp to experience a walk closer with God. And I thank God for everything. I love Jasmine Yow Si Min (:

I was spiritually dried from the inside out 8 days ago. 5 days later, I am once again on burning fire for God and following the path which He has paved for me in utmost faith. This is who you call... Maeve :D

Camp was awesome-ly amazing! God's presence was there every day and service had always been a power-packed one. Not forgetting, the Youth Alive Band!! :D They rock big time okay. This band consists of 20 over people but those who were there with us during camp were Sam Philp - the left-handed drummer (cool aye?), David Humberstone - the guitarist and vocals, Josh Heglund - keys and vocals, Cameron Buchanan - bass, Jone Vasu (we call him Jonny though) - rap and guitars and Pastor Dave Reardon - the director of Youth Alive, Western Australia.

Their songs are terrific and each of them have their life stories to share which really impacted me a lot too. I'm currently ~~addicted~~ passionate about "One Glorious Day" and "Because You Love Me". I'm really very inspired by Josh. He wrote "One Glorious Day" when his dad passed away. It's really touching though (:

Thank you Vanessa Yap for praying for me on the last night of camp. I cried so much that tears welled in my eyes and overflowed continuously. Yes, it's time to get my walk back with God. It was really a breakthrough (:

Pasir Ris cell rocked big time too! The PS boys were amazing with their table banging and they're now known as the TBB (Table Banging Boys). Not forgetting that we're the Pang Sai! Haha. Thank you Alexi for that name when we did the stationed games.

Pasir Ris cell is united as ONE during this camp. I'm starting to love my cell ever since the very first workshop during camp which was about "My cell rocks!" We've bonded and we're so close now. And I'm really glad that I'm in Pasir Ris cell (:

Service on the last night of camp was the most memorable one. Jonny held the Singapore flag in the middle of the hall and the whole Megalife surrounded it and we kept praying and interceding for the nation (:

Camp ended well. But it wasn't enough. We want more.

We will sacrifice.
We will love.
We will go.

Strato Chara forever! And Pasir Ris cell goes, "Cha cha cha cha ra, cha cha cha cha ra!" :DD

7th December 2007
EK at 10am-4pm was great. Nearing to knocking-off hour, some conflict broke out. I was actually taken aback by the 14 year old girl who scolded vulgarities so loudly. Well, I shan't go into details about it. But it was a great experience though (: Because I've finally met nasty parents and, realised and understand those experiences my colleagues had. I really had a great and fun-filled day at EK. Oh, and check this 2 hot toddlers out! I took these photos during the last week of November. They're so adorable :D

After my day at EK, went for Youth Alive evangelistic gig. The worship was simply AWESOME! They rocked the house down, man. Everyone was just jumping and running around the worship centre in circles. Zheng Yi and I stood on the arm rest of the worship centre chairs and we were really really tall (: Overall, it was a very power-packed service and I'm glad many people went for the altar call. Thank you, God (:

Took photos with the Youth Alive band. They're so amazing and I'll never forget Megalife [ONE] camp and the evangelistic gig with them.

Pastor Dave Reardon

Cameron

Josh

David

Jone

Sam

And there we have, the Youth Alive band <3

This whole week has really been a great week for me. I've learnt, and I've grown. And this should be the best week I've ever had. Thank you, Father :D

2007-11-27T20:16:00.000-08:00

I'm feeling so confused.. to the extent.

I don't know how to describe yesterday. I just can't think of any appropriate word. Well, yesterday was more of a confused, a mixed-feeling-of-happy-and-frustrated and a feeling-of-emptiness day. Basically, I spent my whole day at EK. A great sense of fear is surging through me at the very mention of EK. And... I hate that. I hate being confused, I hate being lost. I hate that feeling.

9 hours at EK is no joke. I've already been struggling to survive for 6 hours. So you're telling me 9 hours?! Okay, actually I did survived the 9 hours yesterday. But I struggled to survive.

Yesterday was the first day I dread being at EK. First, a parent enquired me and I told her the wrong information.

Second, I wore black jeans which I'm not supposed to until my supervisor told me yesterday.

Third, a parent brought her stroller in to the play area and at that time, I was doing check-in. I, myself, don't even know if I let her in or not. I remembered, very clearly, her asking me if she could bring in her stroller but I told her that it's not allowed and I asked her to leave it at the side (directed her gaze to the side of the outside).

At that period of time, EK was very crowded and kids and adults kept flowing in. It could be possible that she sneaked the stroller in while I was busy with the kids. But after my supervisor asked me if I allowed her in, I kept contemplating about it. Thinking and recalling if I let her in or not. I was really affected by that matter for the whole day after that :(

Like I said in the first place that yesterday was a mixed feeling day. So, happy events happened too (: First, I saw Sweetheart outside EK. He wanted to accompany me for break. But in the end, he missed me for my break and only managed to catch me for the last 10 minutes. So I ended up having break alone, somehow. (That's a happy and sad matter).

Next, I was offered free lunch from someone (: That made my day a lot actually.

Third, I made friends with 2 adorable and little girls. One girl named Sabrina and the other Kayla. Sabrina is 5 years old and I played with her because her mom left her alone at EK. I had a chat with her while playing and I got to know that she learns ballet! :D I saw her doing some gymnastics stunt I used to do when I was young too. Nostalgia overcame me then.

Kayla is only 1 or 2 years old I think. She is so adorable and puny :D Her actions and the way she walks and runs never fails to make me laugh. Before I knocked off, I went over to Kayla and her domestic helper. I squat down in front of Kayla, slightly 2 arms length away, and I opened my arms wide and said,"Hug hug." After that, she ran towards me and hugged me. Then I asked,"Flying kiss?" And she gave me one. So sweeeet :D That is something which warmed my heart and made me forget all of my troubles at that point of time (:

Last but not least, Adik came over and played at EK too. They made me run around the whole Mega Maze like how Sabrina did and I was physically drained out yesterday.

Steps to overcome failure.
1. Breathe
2. Cry
3. Accept
4. Forgive
5. Release

2007-11-25T07:02:00.000-08:00

I'm glad it was a better day.

Met up with Clara in church early before service on Saturday. We went to the beach to relax. It has been a really long time since I last spend time with her alone. The ambience and atmosphere seemed so right. We were talking and catching up with one another on how things were for us in church and everything. It was a great experience. Thank you Clara for Saturday :)

Getting back to the whole point, I think I've lost my faith. I don't want to run this race alone actually. I wanted to step into the altar during service but.. I've lost my faith.

I'm yearning for a breakthrough.

In fact, it's so hard for me if I choose to remain lukewarm. I'll be self-reliant then. No, I won't want things to be this way. I want to rekindle that passion, that faith, that fire which burned so aggressively within me once. I will be awaiting camp with anticipation..

Service was good. "Praise God no matter what circumstances you might be in.". That was from Pastor Paul Zaia (: Yes, I will praise God no matter what circumstances I might be in. Even now, when my road seems so steep.

After service, had Path of Destiny. I was really excited before it. I kind of knew that we had to walk a few steps and kneel down to pray. That was almost simliar to what we did during Celebration Team camp a few years back. I really enjoyed Path of Destiny though (: I re-dedicated myself to God once again. And through all those prayers that I prayed and praises that I gave unto God, I felt closer to Him again. I didn't know being in His presence felt so good. But now, I know (:

After the journey through the path, we had to light up candles with our friends' name written on the candle holder. That was really cool and the whole entire place looked so beautiful with all the candles lighted up. I took pictures and I will upload them soon (:

EK
Tuesday, 12-9pm
Thursday, 4-10pm

Adeline Fu, take note! Haha :D

Clara and Chanelle made my Saturday :D

2007-11-23T22:03:00.000-08:00

I've noticed something. So many things impacted and are still impacting me negatively for the consecutive months. Setbacks after setbacks and after setbacks... I'm stressing on the word negatively and consecutive. And all these setbacks impacted me so much that the road which I'm treading on seems so misleading. I wonder," What is God trying to do with me and my life?"

After dental appointment today, I was reluctant to go home. I really do dread going home now. Home is where fear, hatred and frustration exists. So I slowly set my feet on the pavement which led me home. On the way, scenes of my life I had these past few months flashed vividly in my mind. I thought and I pondered upon every single thing that came into my mind. I hadn't exactly been doing what was right and what I was supposed to do. My life is in a mess. I don't know how to get them back on track. I cried while walking, thinking of how and why did I get myself in this situation. This may sound absurb, I know. And from there, I was lost in thought..

My life is in such a mess that my heart feels empty. Not only my heart, my whole body. It's so empty inside. My whole body had become one great jigsaw. I started working on the corners and the edges of my jigsaw because they were the easy bits but now that they were all in place I needed to do all the bits in between, the hard parts. But nothing I had done so far had managed to fill what's inside me.

As I was reaching home, I felt a sudden urge that I want to go to the beach to read my book. I have a tendency of bringing a book wherever I go, you see. I wanted to pen down whatever thoughts that came to my mind at the beach too. But unfortunately, I didn't have a pen nor a paper. So I headed down to the beach alone.

Being alone feels really good. It has been a long long while since I've felt this way. And I love being this way! I really do agree that you tend to feel and think more when you're alone. I love the tranquility of the beaches. It's so calm and peaceful that it relaxes your mind and your whole body. And at that moment, I let loose everything that I had in my mind. It was as though a load of burden just rolled off my shoulders. And I thank God that He created such beautiful things (:

And here I am back at the crossroads, again.

2007-11-23T03:26:00.000-08:00

I need to cry. I want to scream. I long to jump.

I lost my "spectacles" and "contact lenses" and thus, everything was a blur to me. I wouldn't say that I lost my vision because I still can see. Everything was misty, that's all.

I couldn't see clearly how things look and how it was supposed to be. I was blinded by the power and lost in thought. I didn't know what to do, what to say and where to go. I just followed what I've been doing all this while.

My mom gave me countless of advices and warnings but yet, I refused to heed any of them. I was stubborn and now, I am on the verge of heeding and not heeding. I'm feeling so confused and frustrated. The truth stood before me but.. I chose not believe it. I hate being caught up in situations like this. I was so adamant in believing that there was nothing of that sort but in the end, it happened to be.

I'm really glad that we went out together yesterday. Everything seems much clearer to me now. You've showed me the real you. Well, maybe I shouldn't assume too much about it yet. But for now, I've understood things much better. I really didn't expect things to turn out this way. Maybe we've made a mistake in the first place after all.

He even hinted that he doesn't want to go through it with me. He wants me to go through this all alone.

Five days is all I've given myself to make a decision. No, I won't be indecisive. I will stand firm in my decision and be strong. God will help me and I believe He will do what's best for me. Running back into the arms of God is always the safest things to do, isn't it? (:

Don't disappoint me, will you, sweetie?

~~Happy~~ 5th month.

2007-11-22T07:50:00.000-08:00

I changed my mind. I shan't blog about last week anymore. I've got more to blog about this week.

Anyway, I've been feeling down lately. Or have I always been feeling down? So many things happened that I don't even know where to start. Besides family and personal life, everything is fine (:

I've been treated unfairly at home this past few days. My mom is always disallowing me to do things whereas she always allows my second sister. I wonder why am I always comparing myself with others.

I've always been the one who is the closest to my mom among my 2 sisters and I. But I didn't know that she's so emotionally attached to me. She is holding on to me so tightly that she wouldn't want to let me go even for the tinest bit. It's so dificult for me to breathe.

Haven't you heard that the one who is closest to you, disappoints you the most?

I know I've been a bad girl lately. I didn't mean to lie to my mom. I was afraid. Afraid that she wouldn't let me go. I don't know what to say and what to do. I'm confused.. I just want to say that I'm sorry and I was afraid to lie. But I did..

2007-11-15T00:02:00.000-08:00

Pictures taken during Dance Outing on 8th November.

Pictures taken during Class chalet on 13th November. I will blog more about the chalet and upload more pictures soon (:

with love,

2007-11-11T22:08:00.001-08:00

In the past, I've always been saying that I'm a mistake when I am feeling so down and at that point of time, life seemed so unfair. And all the negative thoughts will surge through my mind.

After Megalife service last Saturday, my whole point of view changed. Pastor Joyce shared that all of us are created to make a difference! All of us has a purpose in life. God made us because He has a plan for us. Now I wonder, how did I ever manage to say that I'm a mistake.

I'm going to be more than conquerors. I'm going to walk fearlessly in the promises of God and I'm just walking ahead and not turning back.

Pastor Joyce opened her heart and shared what God told her about Vision 500. We're going to embrace and own Vision 500 as ONE Megalife :D

I'm really glad that almost everyone stood on their chairs when Pastor Joyce said to those who are willing to fight the battle and own Vision 500 to stand on their chairs. And as I look across the whole entire Victory Chapel, the scene is amazing. Almost everyone were standing on chairs. The look was as if you're seeing people who are willing to stand up for Christ despite trials and tribulations that we're going to face in ther future. But you know what? God will bring us through everything. We just have to walk fearlessly. And like what Pastor Joyce said, "Courage only exists in the presence of danger."

"What you are, is God's gift to you, what you do out of your life is your gift to God."

Life at EK is great. Maybe it's great because I haven't encountered any nasty parents yet? But for now, life at EK is great :D Third day was fantastic. Everyone there with me was so hilarious. Like Ivan - who never fails to sing and make everyone of us there laugh. Of all three days, I think I prefer the third the day most. It might be because of the people there with me. They're so friendly, outspoken and everything. Not saying that the people with me on the first and second day are inferior compared to third day :) I enjoy my life there though :D

2007-11-09T21:12:00.000-08:00

Thousands apologies for not updating these two days. I have been pretty busy.

Wednesday, 7th November 2007
I've learnt that kids aren't so vulnerable after all. When you tell them not to do something which is forbidden, they actually listen. I've always assumed that kids would cry when you instruct them them not to do something. In fact, they don't. They're actually stronger than what they appears to be. Sometimes even stronger than you and me.

Had a meeting with a few girls in church to plan for the unofficial dance outing the following day. The meeting was disastrous! Although we planned everything finished in the end, we took quite a long time to get everything done.

Thursday, 8th November 2007
It was drizzling in the morning and I held on to the fear that our moods for the unofficial dance outing at Sentosa would be dampened by the morning rain.

Thanks to Edrea, Gilda and Carissa, I almost had a heart-attack when they bluffed me that they couldn't make it for the Sentosa trip due to the rain :(

I took an MRT with Edrea, Gilda, Carissa and Isabel to Harbour Front to meet Ian, Alex, Vanessa, Clara and Alethea.

There were many Indians at Harbour Front MRT Station. Looks like almost all of them are heading to Sentosa to spend their Deepavali.

True enough, they were really there to spend their Deepavali. Haha. They were very perverted though. They tried taking pictures of us indirectly by standing infront or behind us so that we'll be in the background. Utterly sick. And they kept staring at girls in bikinis. As in literally STARE! Uh. No offence here and I'm not being a racist :)

I've always been afraid of Indian males in Singapore. They always give you a perverted look and that makes me very uncomfortable. Unlike Indian males in Singapore, Indian males in India are much much much more nicer, friendlier and not as perverted. Example, Vijay! I miss him so much. He was the church's caretaker a few years back and he went back to India to get married. He is pretty good-looking for an Indian as well :) He is my best friend :D

Alex built a dome-shaped model with sand at Sentosa. And it looks very nice. I'll upload pictures soon when another computer of mine is fixed (:

I've learnt a lot from Alex today. I've learnt what are cumulus clouds, swash and back-wash. Those are Geography. And even if I'm not taking Geography next year, learning it would be gaining general knowlegde :) I've learnt a lot of English bombastic words from him too and he'll be my English and Chemistry tuition teacher from now on. Yes, Alex? :)

Left Sentosa and headed to Vivo City soon after. Ate lunch at Carls' Jr. Wow. The food there is amazing. Vanessa and Clara headed home after lunch. Sweetheart wanted to fetch me from Vivo so Ian, Alex and Alethea accompanied me to wait for him. But Alethea reluctantly accompanied. Haha. She is so funny. Shall upload the photos soon :)

Played truth or dare on the floor at Harbour Front MRT station. And something which I said to Ian regarding one of his mentally-challenged questions which impressed Alex is this - "Ian, think from the innermost recesses of your soul."

I shall be Alex's good and hardworking student :) And there is an accent in pronouncing the word 'Deepavali'. (Ask me to pronounce it for you if you're interested :D) That is something which I said which impressed Mr Tee as well :)

Walked around at Vivo with Sweetheart. I had a lot of fun with him. He is so hilarious and cute and he kept making me laugh :) And yesterday was the first time I've ever gone out with him to such a far place.

Okay. Now, I declare that I'm finally tanned and not burnt. And I'm very happy with it :)

Sick of crying,

Tired of trying.
Yes, I'm smiling but
inside, I'm dying.

2007-11-06T23:47:00.000-08:00

Thank you Adeline Fu and Natalie Lim for their concern and encouraging text messages regarding my previous post. And to all those who had dropped me a tag on my blog and consoled me on msn as well (:

Perhaps I shouldn't put too much hope in going for Megalife camp. The greater the anticipation, the greater the disappointment. For the past few days, I've been praying so hard that someone would sponser me $85 for the camp. But now, I think I should.. Stop.

I really hope I can go for the camp. But my mom and the church never fail to disappoint me. Maybe, I shouldn't carry on pestering and irritating my mom to allow me to go and begging her to make countless of phone calls to the church. Because nothing seems to work out. Maybe I shouldn't put in any effort anymore. Maybe I should just give it a pass and stay at home and make my life count by reading 101 books on my book shelf. After all that annoyance that I have given to my mom, I think she is more stressed than she can ever be. I think I'm just making things worse.

Sometimes, there are things which you're trying so hard to hold on to and not let go. But in the end, you realise that it isn't meant to be yours. And you realise that you're just wasting your time fantasizing and dreaming about whatever that is going to happen. At the end of the long-anticipating wait, you felt as if you have been a silly fool to have a simple and annoying child-like mind then. The feeling is bad. So awful that you just can't stand yourself.

Being financially in need really sucks. There are so many restrictions in life - You can't buy this and that because you have no money. And it's not as if those things are a want. But actually, they are a need. You can't go shopping with your friends because you keep circling around the mall where you'll never be able to afford anything and find yourself ending up with so many things that your friends had bought in your hands. Those are the items that never belong to you. And that is because you ended up shopping with them when you find it so hard to reject their offer.

And when your friend asks you to chip in a bit for someone's birthday present, a class chalet or a barbeque, you'll be in a dilemma and you'll contemplate if it's necessary and the other alternatives of how you should spend your money wisely. I hate being caught in this kind of situations.

I envy well-off people. They are so blessed with all the wonderful things around them. Some are even born with a sliver spoon in their mouth. Come to think of it, I feel so unfair :(

Wait, but doesn't Jesus feel much more unfair than I am now when He was being humiliated down the Via Dolorosa and all the way, to calvary?

Now I know, and I've always knew, that no one is perfect. Except Jesus.

I want to break free like how butterflies do.

2007-11-01T05:36:00.000-07:00

Wow. What a day to start off for this month. I really hope things would change. I need someone to talk to. I'm so tired. Really very tired. I'm so drained out by those things of everyday life that is happening around me - Things that held me back when I just needed to break free.

Damn life.

I've been questioning God so many times why is my family in this state. And when He doesn't answer me, I'll get so annoyed, angry and frustrated. I don't understand why things have to be this way. Are you really sure that He has a plan for me when things are going way way way down? I don't understand. I really don't.

Living in a dysfunctional family.

I have to say this - I hate my dad. I really do hate him a lot. He caused me not to love him any longer. For all the things that he has done, I can't bring myself to love him. Are all men the same? At this point of time, my family is falling apart. There is nothing I could do to salvage this situation. I have no stand and there is nothing I could say. Why would the adults even bother to listen to me, who is just a child?

My dad is adamant in filing for a divorce. Things suck now all right? I don't get it. Why? He is asking his family for moral support whereas my mom, has no kins besides her siblings; who don't even bother helping her, can only depend on herself. I hate the way things are right now. I have no mood for anything. My incoherence is driving me crazy and I don't know how I should be feeling or what I should be doing now. I don't know. I wish I could help my mom. But what could I do? Nothing.

Maybe.. Maybe I should be patient and wait on the Lord. I'll wait and listen to Him for an answer which I long to have all this while. I'll surrender. I'll not hold back because, I'm letting it go.

I need wisdom. I need strength.

I will be strong, I will press on.
I will bow my knees, and pray.
In Jesus' name.

2007-10-29T21:14:00.000-07:00

I feel so dumb. Well, I shall not go deeper into it anymore. I don't want to get too emotional over it. Right now, I'm just feeling so confused. I had a lifetime of putting myself at the center of my own universe, turning myself into a caricature of low ideals and degrading habits. It sank me into the mire of competition, trapped me in a cycle of never-satisfied desires, and stole from me the joy of simple serenity.

I'm going to walk through this alone and conquering everything on my own. I'll do it independently and I guess I won't be needing your help. Because I'll trust in God and God alone.
God, wash those slits away.

Please take care, my sweetheart.

2007-10-29T01:35:00.000-07:00

To my dearest Timothy:

I just realised how dependent I am on Timothy. Or maybe.. Too dependent. I'll always be checking my handphone every single minute to see if he had messaged me. I'll always be waiting for his call everytime and in whatever I do, I'll always think about him. He is so attached to my life.

Imagine my life without him all of a sudden. It's really going to be a great impact on me. Without daily text messages or calls from him and without seeing him. My life is going to be hard. I've been so used to having him around me - We never fail to message everyday (Okay, maybe 1 or 2 days out of the 365 days). Imagine me not receiving any text messages from him when we message almost everyday. Even for an hour, I'll find it so hard to overcome. Imagine me not seeing him for a week. I don't think I'll be able to make it through that week.

When something happens to him, I'll be so worried. Thinking of where is he, how is he, will he be coming back, will he be leaving me or will we be able to see each other again. It's a life-attachment issue here. Imagine my life without him - No, I can't. Because.. I'm too dependent on him.

I'm going through a tough situation right now. God.. or him?

Staying awake for his text message had proved more difficult that I'd anticipated. Wait, can't I just break free?

I love you, my sweetheart.

2007-10-28T20:47:00.000-07:00

A clenched fist cannot hold the Lord's hand.

Something which I bring really close to my heart is this. Let go, let God. Yesterday's sermon was all about trust and I'm really glad that I've paid full attention to Joachim. I'm glad that I had the discipline to listen and surrender all the things that are running through my mind and everything that has been happening and revolving around me. I'm glad that I've surrendered everything.

Trust. Why wouldn't people trust in God? Joachim mentioned 7 points and in fact, all are true to me. Every single point hit straight in my face. Yes, bullseye.

We should learn to surrender everything to God, shouldn't we? Proverbs 3:5-6 says,"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." See that? The Bible says, trust in the Lord with ALL your heart. Not partial, but ALL.

I'm trusting God once again. I'm spreading everything that I have now before the Lord today. There are so many things that I need to let go of. And, I'm letting them go today.

Yes, a clenched fist cannot hold the Lord's hand.

So let go and hold the Lord's hand.
Let go, let God..

I begged my mom for the last time to allow me to go for Megalife Camp. And yes, finally she did! After so much of praying and persistance, the time has come :D Thank God (:

I don't care what people will say.
I don't care the way people will think about me by what means I'm going to go for the camp.
I don't care how I'm going to make it through the camp with my cell.
I don't care how people will look at me during the camp.

So what? I'm going for the camp! I'm going to have a fresh touch with God once again. I'm never, ever in my life, going to miss any camps. How could I miss a great opportunity to grow and love God deeper once again? It's a once in a year opportunity. Miss it, and I'll have to wait for another year. And that, I will never be able to bring myself to do it.

So for now, I pray and believe that everything will be successful. And that it'll be a smooth procedure.

I'm going all out for it! :D

2007-10-26T08:21:00.000-07:00

Watched finished Helen the Baby Fox in school on Thursday. I cried. The ending is so sad. The baby fox died in the end and there was a drop of tear near its eyes. That moment was so touching. Despite the small lead actor's effort and persistance in finding ways and means to cure Helen (the baby fox), it still died. That really inspired me anyway! "Never to give up. Even till the very last minute." And the Doctor said to Tai Chi a.k.a Little Sullivan (small lead actor), "Helen never gives up because you never give up. She keeps trying because you never stop trying." Wow. I'm so impacted by that sentence (: Ah well, I want to watch the movie again! Haha :D

Everyone is blogging about this. So, I'll keep this short because it has already sounded so cliche-ish. Today marks the last day of school. I will miss miss miss miss miss 2E5 '07. It'll be definitely wierd without them the next year. The atmosphere would be different. The noises would be changed. It's really hard to let go. Having abundance of joy, sorrow, happiness and craziness together as a class, is now a part of me. I'll feel as if I've lost a limb the next year.

For every single 2E5ians out there.

Life has to go on.

Without the countless of quarrels and misunderstandings we had,

there wouldn't be today.

Because that is what that makes our relationship and bond as a class to grow.

Take heart and move on.

But remember, 2E5 '07 will always be.. one.

2007-10-25T04:14:00.000-07:00

I was emotionally and mentally drained out yesterday. It's really a tough decision to make. Choosing between 3E1 and 3E2 was really difficult. I did plan and aim to go for a class even before the End of Year examination. But never would I expect that my results would be far better than what I aimed for. Thus, leading to the last minute rush.

I talked to Hiu Gwan on the phone last night and we were discussing about which classes she and I were going. She really made my day yesterday. Despite the fact that I was so tired that I couldn't even smile, she made me smile! She is so adorable and the conversation we had was really enjoyable. I recorded part of 1 out of the 5 conversations we had. And each conversation lasted almost to an hour! Wow.

She kept telling me that her hamster was running, laughing at the Hong Kong drama that she was watching and told me that a dog was barking at her house downstairs. All those that she said was really "no link". Hahaha. She is really funny and adorable though (: I was laughing with her non-stop for the 5 conversations I had. And I realised something - She is always saying,"Then how?" Haha.

I'm really looking forward to being in the same class as her. We've made a deal - I'm guiding her in English and she'll be teaching me A math and the both of us will study Biology together! :D I really hope that there won't be any dissection in Biology, really. Mr Ng says that dissection will only be in JC as far as he knows. So I really hope that it's true (:

Before I made my decision, I prayed that someone would ring me up right at that moment to give me advice. Ooh, guess what? Mr Ng rang me up! I was really surprised and I'm sure God planned it :D We talked on the phone for quite some time and he patiently explained to me the pros and cons of each classes. I'm really glad and thankful for that phone call.

Miss Tan messaged me last night too! I really appreciate every single little thing that they've done for me. And I promised myself this - No matter how far I go, I'll always remember and be thankful for Miss Tan and Mr Ng for what they've done for me to become what I'm going to be :)

Dear God, thank you for everything that You've done for me. After struggling through this tough and violent fight of choosing classes, I've finally come to a decision. A decision which I trust in that You will have a great plan and a future ahead for me. I thank you Father for granting me the wisdom to make a choice and for teachers like Mr Ng and Miss Tan for giving me useful advices in choosing those classes. I trust in You that everything will be okay, in Your hands. 3E1, I'm coming for you and setting my foot on you.

24th Oct 2007, 10.44pm

2007-10-24T04:16:00.000-07:00

Today is Moderation Day. So it's a day-off for everyone in school except the teachers and the Secondary 2s. We had this Streaming Talk in the hall this morning, and I was late. Hahaha. But fortunately, I didn't miss out anything :D

I finally received my final results which is absoutely confirmed and no changes would be made, unless I'm under the list of moderation which I absoutely doubt so. And I'm even more disappointed with the final results. The mid-year grades really pulled my end-year grades down. It's so disheartening...

2007-10-23T06:07:00.000-07:00

Happy 4th Month :D

Yupps, it's the 4th month and still counting. Hehe xD Anyway, went out 'shopping' with Sweetheart. Guess what? He is so adorable today! I bluffed him that I lost my handphone over the house phone but he sounded indifferent. However, when I met him, he was so shocked and kept asking me where, when and how did I lost it and did I report or not. He is so hilarious when I saw his reaction. And when I revealed the truth, he gave me the 'cheated' look. Haha. He is so adorable! I was laughing non-stop till my cheeks and sides hurt. And we had so much fun from all the laughter and love we shared today :D

Moving on.. School was great today. I encountered mixed emotions for the last 2 periods. My emotion level was way unstable for that 1 hour, really. Mainly because of the revelation of the SA2 results and Overall Holistic results. I looked through the list of SA2 results first. I've attained 4 As and 4 Bs and my percentage is 71.3% and ranked 2nd in class. I was on cloud nine when I saw my results and I couldn't believe my eyes! My adrenaline surged through and my spirits and Hiu Gwan's were so high that we were kind of screaming for joy. Haha. Really, it's the first time ever in my life that I've gotten such rank and results. It was absoutely unbelievable and unexpected.

Later, I flipped through the list of Overall results. Sad to say, I was overtaken by the one and only, Ritchie Ng :/ I was pretty upset about it and sadness overcame me for the rest of the school day. You might say, "It's just a position different." But what matters to me is that I'm overtaken - Someone surpassed me. The feeling is unexplained. Because it's either you understand and feel it, or you don't.

Well, just want to congratulate Ritchie anyway. He made a great effort although he tried to overtake Hiu Gwan but to no avail. Hahaha :) I admire his fighting spirit though. And to Hiu Gwan, all the best and I hope I'll be able to go into the same class as her. And she promised to teach me A math!! Hahaha :D

One more thing. I had a heart-to-heart talk with Hiu Gwan and Soh Woon during Art class today (which was obviously almost a free period). I feel so bad all of a sudden. Actually, Soh Woon is a really nice girl. It's just that the way which she expresses her kindness is unacceptable for most of the classmates. But when you really talk to her and understand her, she is a really nice and sweet girl :)

The three of us talked about choosing classes for the next year. Hiu Gwan is in a dilemma of choosing 3E1 or 3E2. Soh Woon is in a dilemma of choosing 3E2 or 3E3 and I'm in a dilemma of choosing 3E1, 3E2 or 3E3. We were discussing about the positive and negative aspects of the 3 different classes and all of us were right in our different views. Our discussion was on a verge of 'doing it' and 'not doing it' and it's a real tough decision to make.

Through this little and short conversation, they gave me really good advices. Hiu Gwan even encouraged me to go to 3E2 with her! :D However, my fear is that I might not be able to handle A math well but she assured me that she'll help me with it if I ever needed help :D She is another kind-hearted girl I know :)

After the conversation, Soh Woon even offered me to call her if I ever had anything that is troubling me. That's really sweeeeet :D They've really warmed my heart and I'm glad that I had talked to them.

I've realised that I haven't been cherishing a lot of things in life. And I mean, a lot. There are 3 days left and after 2 years, then I've found out that they are 2 girls in my class who are so sweet within but yet, they're rejected and almost the 'outcasted' ones in class. I feel bad. Real bad :X

Yes, I've made 2 best friends :D

2007-10-22T08:08:00.000-07:00

Results

History: 77/100
English: 69/100
Mother Tounge: 65/100
Science: 70.5/100
Math: 67/100
Home Economic: 86/100

I'm not really happy with my English paper though. I expected for an A1, really. But nevertheless, I really thank God for everything especially those times when I had to struggle and fight on during the mugging periods :)

I've been meeting Sweetheart since last Monday. That means, I've met him for 8 consecutive days! :D I'll be meeting him again tomorrow. Because.. It's 23rd! :DD

After so much of overflowing of tears, I quieten down, listen and reflect. And I start to wonder, "What and why am I crying so much for?" So I retrieved my rejected heart, healed my wounds and moved on. Then a little though strucked me, "Little by little, I'm moving on, letting go, taking heart."
-Jesus never fails.

2007-10-21T20:58:00.000-07:00

I feel out of the cell. Uh Maeve, just shut up..

Happy Belated Birthday Wen Fen and Charmaine :D

Erica is so hilarious today. She kept "seducing" me. Hahaha. Ooh, I loooooooove her tounge-piercing!! :D Erica is such a joy and it's been a long time since I've had fun with her (:

Camwhored with Danielle again :D Danielle, take good care of yourself k? (: See you next week!

Her phone. Style aye?

My best friend <3

The view from Roof Terrace is simply captivating :D

I always look forward to seeing Danielle on Saturday. Everytime we'll have lots of fun camwhoring, laughing and catching up with each other. But, when Clara is there, we'll have infinite times more fun! :D

I had dinner with Danielle at the Roof Terrace. Samuel Yuan's cell was there so we quietly walked over to one corner and have our "Romantic Dinner". Then Samuel and 2 other guys came over and asked us were we okay as he thought that we wanted to commit suicide. Hahaha. He is so hilarious! :D

After dinner and everything, Ian, Alex, Sweetheart, Danielle and I wanted to go to the Roof Terrace but Sam's cell was still there. We wanted to see Ian climb up over the roof. Haha. Although the Roof Terrace was occupied, they still managed to climb all over the church. Not literally, but yeah.

They were on this very high place but I zoomed in so it looks as if it was literally taken closely.

Anyway, I need to say something about the two of them. They can climb like monkeys! Hahaha.

I want to go for MegaLife camp.... :(

Okay, I will.

2007-10-19T06:47:00.000-07:00

School was great today. Got back English, Home Economics, Math and Chinese paper. I'm relieved but not contented with my results so far. I was disheartened actually. Especially with my Math paper. I expected more because I really studied for it. Oh well, Mr Lim has yet to go through the whole paper with us. I hope I'll be able to attain a few more marks (:

Chinese. Uh, I don't know how I can improve on it. It's either you're really good in Chinese, or you're not. Got a B3 for this paper. Can't really do much, can I?

Home Economics was really surprising. I didn't really concentrate much in studying on the Textiles and Fabrics chapter and it actually came out a lot on it in the exam paper! But nevertheless, I managed to conquer all the questions effortlessly and to my surprise, I actually did pretty well on it! :D How is 86/100? Haha.

So far, I've aced English with Coleen. *clap clap clap* It's left with my composition, and I really hope that it will not pull my whole grade down :)

Thank God for all these that He has done for me. Yes, I've made it through (:

Went to Sabbie's house today for Hari Raya visitation. Her place is absoutely, cosy! She has this little fish pond just beside the gate in her house and it's really cosy when you enter in.

Oh, Sabbie's mom is pretty! I still can't accept the fact that she's a Chinese although Sabbie is a Malay. Haha. When she introduced herself to me, she extended her hand towards me to shake my hand. Guess what? Her hand is so smooth! It was as if my hand is slipping away from hers. Haha. Just like a silk -Really really smooth.

Sabbie's adik is so cute! He is in Primary One and he is so friendly. To me, I mean. But Sabbie concluded that her adik is irritating. That's what all siblings think of theirs, don't they? Haha.

Played Taidi (The ******* version). Had a lot of fun. And I kept being the ******* :( Haha. There was a piano in her house so I played Canon in D for everyone to hear while they were busy doing their own things. I'm glad that Johnathan and Keith actually hummed along to the piece. It's pretty heart-warming because this shows that I actually have a chemistry or rather a connection with my 'audiences'. Haha. (Jia Hui, I am going to overtake you although you are grade 8 in piano whereas I don't even have a grade! Haha) Sabbie's mom complimented me on playing such a nice piece of music too. Hehe. *blush* And there was once when I was playing it then Firdaus sang "Buttons" to it. It was really really hilarious :D

I camwhored with Firdaus and he played a prank on me.. :( Thank you, Daniel Tan for informing me about it. Haha. Here is how it went: I set my camera in timing mode and when we were posing for it, Firdaus called my handphone. So we were practically posing for nothing. Haha. We froze there like some idiots :X This is the picture (which I've edited) :D

Sweetheart fetched me from Sabbie's house and I left the place with Firdaus. When we left, I kissed Sabbie's mom's hand. Haha. Like how the Malays do (: And I made her mom laugh okayy. Haha. For once in a long long time, I felt like a Malay or rather, part of a Malay family that kind of thing. Haha. THANKS SABBIE FOR EVERYTHING :D

Sweetheart and I accompanied Firdaus to wait for bus 89 to come. Here comes the hilarious part - Bus 5 was in front of bus 89. So Firdaus stepped out. When bus 5 turned in near the kerb, the bus driver in bus 89 just drove straight ahead without even looking to see if anyone was waiting for that bus. Or maybe he assumed that Firdaus was taking bus 5. So being embarrassed, Firdaus turned back. And I was laughing at him. Hahaha. Even Sweetheart laughed a little at him too. It was really really hilarious okayy.

For the second time, the same thing happened. But there wasn't any bus in front of the second bus 89. This time, the driver literally went straight ahead without even looking if there was anyone at the bus stop. From then on, I stood at the egde of the kerb, almost on the verge of falling off. This is to show that I, a human being, is there at the bus stop waiting for a bus :D And for the third and last time, Firdaus managed to board his long-awaited bus 89. Congratulations, Firdaus :DD

He made my day (:

2007-10-17T22:54:00.000-07:00

Hey all. Exams are OFFICIALLY over! :DDDD

I'm so so so happy. Finally, exhausted and almost on the verge of giving up, I overcame the last hurdle of the year and I manage to divorce with the strings of exams. I really want to thank God for bringing me through this whole period. He is always there for me. I can sense it. He never fails me nor forsakes me. He is my awesome God (:

Since everything is over, there is nothing that can be done to undo the exams. All I can do is just to trust and believe in the Lord that I'll get good marks if I really deserve it.

Oh, I just read Vanessa's blog and I just realised that I haven't send her my accountability letter! Haha.

Okay, coming back. Firstly, I would like to apologise for not updating my blog for these few weeks. I was really caught up with exams that I didn't even have time to go online.

Now, I've got so many things to do that I don't even know where to start. Oh, guess what? My choreography is going pretty well. Hehe. I can't wait to finish choreographing it :D

Err, I think I have nothing else to blog about. And I should be meeting sweetheart later. Haha. Byebye xD

His nail-pierced hands, just for you.

2007-10-17T22:14:00.000-07:00

Dear God, I can't wait for exams to end! Thank you, friend, for being there to overtake and surpass me - To guide me and bringing me through it. I pray and believe that by your grace, and mercy, I'll conquer them through it all. Amen.

12 Oct 2007, 11.02am

Dear God, at times, life is so hard when things don't go my way. But yet, life seems so assuring and full of hope once again when smiles surges its way through. Lord, forgive me for those times when hatred and guilt filled me. I'm sorry, Lord when I gave up on love and gave in to hate. I am designed to love you and others! That's where my happiness lies - Not in an endless chase after selfish pleasures. So Lord, come and intervene my life. You're the driver of my life and you take full control and authority of it. Dominate my life before I ruin it.

12 Oct 2007, 12.55pm

Dear God, it's really early in the morning now and another day had passed. It's been a very very long time since I gazed at a sunrise. I want to rekindle fond memories and reminiscences, and learn how to appreciate the beauty, perfection and wholeness of your creation. I'm still waiting for the day of exams to come. I've got so many things in mind to do after exams that I don't even know where to start! And I'm in dire need of a job. Father, I pray that You'll grant me a suitable job to make the most out of it.

I've yet to start on my debut solo dance choreography! I've found the song, choreographed bits and pieces of the dance but I've yet to practice it. I'm really really very excited about it. I pray Lord Jesus that You'll grant me wisdom and Your blessing. I love you, Father, and I'll always love you. Amen.

13 Oct 2007, 00.13am

Dear God, I'm not in a mood to do my prep work for art now.. I don't know why. The choreography keeps surfacing in my mind. Lord, won't you come and grant me strength, courage, and wisdom to face the last hurdle of the year. I surrender everything that I have to you.. Exams, I'm walking over you. Amen.

13 Oct 2007, 11.00am

Dear God, I did not pay attention during service today. I'm sorry, Lord. Teach me how to be disciplined and grant me the fear of the Lord. And I thank you for him. Amen.

14 Oct 2007, 00.26am

2007-09-23T04:52:00.000-07:00

I had fun with Danielle in service yesterday. We were laughing so hard over Nerds. Not the kind of people but what I meant was the sweets. Haha. She brought so much joy to my life. She never fail to make me smile every week too! And we gave Clara a shock while she was ushering. We said, "Happy Moon Cake Festival!" Haha. Clara is love :D

After service, spent time with my dear. I enjoyed myself while we were hiding outside my house like some pathetic idoits xD

I went to watch a performance at Soka Association today. The main purpose was to see Joey dance. Haha. She did a really good job. *clap clap clap clap*. Seeing her grow so passionately and professionally in dance after she graduated from Greenview really inspired me :)

Happy 3rd month, my dearest :D

2007-09-21T02:39:00.000-07:00

This week was great! I've learnt so many things in class. And I've realised something - If you really put your heart, soul and mind in concentrating in class, you'll learn countless of things in the world that you never knew!

Basically, we started on a new chapter in Science and it's Ecology. To me, it's one of the simplest chapter in Science. It's all about memorizing and guess what is the cool thing about Ecology? It has no formulas! :)

Mr Ng is currently showing us this movie "Helen the Baby Fox". He said that the movie is related to Ecology but I somehow can't find the connection yet. Haha. But, the movie is really really nice. The small main lead actor is so adorable. I don't even think he is 10 years old yet. Well, the movie is really heart-warming. The small main lead actor's love, care and concern for the deafblind baby fox is so touching. See, he is only a small boy and yet, at times we, teenagers or even adults can't love unconditionally.

I found this on YouTube. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ye1QI-a7XhE The movie is in Japanese so it's okay if you don't understand. Hmm, go watch the movie all right? :)

During English class today, Miss Saadon showed us pictures of the Seven Wonders of the World. I am indeed mesmerized by Christ the Redeemer which stands at 38 metres tall in Brazil! I want to go and see it.. :D

Look at Jesus' arms which are outstretched and how tall He stands. Finally, I'm able to realise and understand how wonderful God is. How wonderful His creations are and everything that He has planned. God is really amazing. I am awestruck by His creations. Really. Words are beyond comprehension.

Oh, I watched 'When In Rome' yesterday. Does anyone have the DVD for it? New York Minute, Getting There and The Challenge too! Hee (: I simply love Mary-Kate and Ashley's movies :D

2007-09-15T21:04:00.000-07:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MY BELOVED SISTER! :D

I love you <3

First week of school has passed.

Countdown 15 more days to exams.

I'm dreading it.

I haven't finish Plate One of my art and I don't feel like doing it.

Certainly, there are so many things in life waiting for you to complete..

2007-09-13T04:10:00.000-07:00

Every morning I wake up to the promise that everything is fresh and new.. That His mercy is ready to pour over me once again. There are so many other things that are vying for my attention, but when I quiet myself I can hear his gentle voice say, "I'm with you."

Mr Tan Woon Wee is super hilarious today. He started off my day very well. In fact, almost everyone of us in 2E5.

Singapore felt tremors yesterday, didn't we? Or at least some parts of Singapore I guess. So Mr Tan shared his experience about it. He said that the moment he felt the tremors, he stood up immediately and enjoy it. Haha. He did that because he said that he might never know when is the next time he will feel tremors again. He also mentioned that it's the first time he experienced a tremor after living for 30 over years on this Earth. Actually, he can be pretty cute and hilarious at times too :)

So he ended off CME class saying, "What should you do if you feel tremors the next time?"

The whole class replied, "Enjoyyyyy!"

HAHA. So hilarious. It'll be even hilarious if you were there in class.

2007-09-12T04:25:00.000-07:00

Where are you? Was Tuesday the last time I saw you? Was it the last time I talked to you?

Everything happened so abruptly. I couldn't even catch hold of my breath. Just a message and poof! We didn't contact anymore.

I have a premonition. But I'm not sure what exactly happened. He didn't even tell me. I'm feeling so distress. Okay, maybe not that exaggerated. But..

I just want to see you..

2007-09-08T23:51:00.000-07:00

I cried a lot last night.

I finally shared my deepest feelings which I've never shared to anyone before. I finally let it out and it's like a burden halved. It feels real good because at least someone knows and cares rather than to bottle everything up inside you, don't you think so? Thank you Charmaine and Joelle (:

There is one thing that I learnt yesterday. I've come to realise that everyone has a vulnerable side. No matter how strong or how hard someone puts up a brave front or appears to be never defeated, one day, he will definitely fall and feel worthless. But what matters most is that he picks himself up and grow from what he fell in :)

I cried after we hung up. We'll work things out, won't we?
But boy, I won't let you go.

2007-09-07T02:52:00.000-07:00

Once again, Shu Ying is with us for dance practice :DD

She taught us hip hop and it's been so long since we've perspired a lot during dance. Dance practice this week was really intensive. We had a non-stop routine for countless sets of eight and I'm sure we've shed a lot of weight (: But..

Ernie bought us Ben and Jerry's after dance and all of us ate it! So its equivalent to not losing weight :( Oh well. We had a nice time of bonding though. And thank you Ernie for the ice cream :)

Holidays are ending soon. I'm sure everyone is procrastinating over undone homework and the upcoming exams. Well, I'm procrastinating over both! Uh. This is bad :X

2007-09-02T01:59:00.000-07:00

Trust me, God works! (:

Last week has been really bad for me. It was all because of friends. And because of it, I was hurt and I suffered. I gave up on everything I once had ; On the things I once loved and cherished.

Coincidentally, yesterday's service was about Job : Where is God when it hurts? Well, not really of a coincidence but I have a feeling that it was planned. It was all planned by God (: I was really amazed when I saw the sermon outline. It was me that God was driving at. It was me that He wants to relate with. It is Him that He wants to tell me that He still loves and cares for me even though things are not looking good.

I know one main reason is that He wants to bring me through everything that He has put me in. He wants me to grow to become a stronger and better person after being lukewarm for such a long time.

I've learnt a lot from Pastor Joyce yesterday. To choose my close and best friends wisely. Not to be exclusive but to be selective of them. "A good and close friend seeks God and seeks to love me before they judge me."

And I've learnt to remember that the devil has limited powers. The devil doesn't have power over me unless I allow him to. But who is the devil to me? I know that God is the creater and the devil is the creation. For God is greater than anything and everything else in the world.

And to myself. I've learnt to process the pain in FULL confidence that God still cares. Yes, He still cares. No matter how much I'm hurt and no matter how much I've suffered, God still cares. God knows that I'm not perfect when I go through suffering and pain. He knows that I'm imperfect. But He, also knows that I need His grace to overcome everything. Yes, I need His grace. Although the pain is bearable but it does not mean that it's not painful. There is a saying, "Moaning is at night and rejoicing is in the morning."

Pastor Joyce said that God does not expect me to be perfect when I'm hurting. He allows me to go through suffering, because He esteems me. He knows that I'll grow into a stronger and better person. He does not judge me simply from my inability to process pain. And now I know that God is right there for me! My pain matters to God and every tear that I cry matters to God too. God is love, He is in control and He is the creater. All I have to do is just wait for God, fear and trust Him. God loves and He is love :D

I searched my heart thoroughly and I responded to God. I knew God touched me. I've never felt like that in a very very long time. And after being lukewarm for what seemed like forever, I'm finally liberated once again. I'm set free. I'm no longer feeling so broken inside.

So I ask, "Where is God when it hurts?"
He told me, "Right here!"

But it doesn't mean that I will not experience any trials and tribulations in the future. Definitely, there will be times when I fall again. But what matters the most is that I'll pick myself up again and have the determination to let God bring me through everything. I will not give up. I'll be patient, I'll wait.

Now, I'm really comforted by things around me. With friends who dropped me a tag and those who texted me a message. And even those who comforted me on Saturday after service itself. Especially Clara, Danielle and Vanessa. Clara and Danielle gave me something really sweet for my belated birthday. I really appreciate the rose and the little piglet. And not forgetting the special letter you both wrote for me on a plastic bag! :D

And to Vanessa especially. She sent me encouraging messages on not to give up and she assured that she'll be there for me (: I really thank God for her! I feel so blessed to have a leader and a friend like her who cares. No words could express how much I appreciate her. I love you, girl (:

And now, nothing else seems more beautiful in the world than running back into God's embrace.

2007-08-31T06:12:00.000-07:00

I walk by faith.

Each step by faith.

To live by faith.

I'm gonna trust in you.

I've never been so negative in my life. And I really mean so negative.

I came across this verse, "It is the Lord who goes before you: He will be with you. He will not fail you or forsake you." I forgot where this verse came from, but what hit me real hard was the meaning behind it.

Once Pamela shared this with me. In Jeremiah 29:11 it says, "For I know the plans I have for you," declared the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." No matter what happens, no matter what circumstances you are in, no matter what the consequences are, be still and know that He is God :)

After all this has passed

I still will remain

After I've cried my last

There'll be beauty from pain

Though it won't be today

Someday I'll hope again

And there'll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain

Teachers' Day Celebration today was great. Well done to all the councillors :D And well done to the one and only Coleen Ladisla, Raihan and to my dearest Modern Dancers. Coleen did a wonderful job. She is such a wonderful singer who has a wonderful voice. And I never knew that Raihan is such a great dancer. And to the Modern Dancers : Well done, guys! Despite the fact that you're lacking in experience, continue to work hard and dance hard. Strive hard for Modern Dance :D

Got back my results too. 4 distinctions and 3 Bs. How is that? Haha. I wonder how did I get this kind of results despite slacking around. I think.. :X

This afternoon, I suggested to my mom if we could go over to visit the 3 used-to-be little boys. I knew the eldest boy, Eliezer since he was nursery and now he is already 11, the second one, Ephraim was 1 and the third one, Elhanan was not even born yet. Time passes really fast. It was as if everything happened in a blink of an eye. I haven't seen them for a year or so till today. All of them are already so big and tall. Now the second boy is 8 and the third is 4 :D

But there is one thing that haven't changed - The noise and the joy the 3 brothers always express in a form of way which never fail but to make you smile :) The surprising thing was that Elhanan recognised me but he forgotten what was my name. He used to rush towards me and ask for a hug whenever he sees me the last time. But he didn't for this time. How sad :(

I asked him what did he remembered about me. So he replied in the cute-boy accent whereby the voice is so high-pitched. (Pardon the language, please :D) "I remember you carry me when I young but now you never cos I big orleady. Last time I 1kg, now I 8kg."

That is one thing which warmed my heart. My heart literally melted when he told me that. He is so innocent! AHHHHHH :D

I watched all of them grow up and it'll be sad if I'd never be able to see them again.

It's the first.

The second.

And the third (:

It's either I stand or I fall. Will anyone be there to grab hold of me? (:

2007-08-26T04:14:00.000-07:00

Emotional Status :

I'm struggling to fight in a battle of love and hate. I'm trying so hard to love the person whom I hate so much but yet, I'm so tired. Spiritually, I feel weak. Physically, I feel strong. So strong that I even truimphed over the fact that I've broken down the walls of love. I gave up on love and gave in to hate.

I give up. Call me an emo, a slut, a bitch or even a poser. I don't give a shit. I give up. Do you get it?

At times, I wonder. Why do people take advantage of others only whenever he or she wants to? I hate it when A leaves me out for B. And I hate it even more when B uses me just because A is not with her to go to her boyfriend. And when B has A, she puts me down like nobody's business, Giving me the kind of look like, "Why the hell are you here?" I hate the bitchy face you have there.

I think I'm backsliding, again. I want to quit cell. I want to quit church. I want to quit school. I want to quit life. Because I am a quitter. I hate myself for the way I am now.

I didn't even respond to what my leader shared in cell yesterday - the fear of the Lord and reverence. I didn't even bother asking anyone to pray for me. I didn't even bother searching through my heart.

I feel like crying,"Lord, where are you?"

I did. But to no avail.

I'm a mistake.

2007-08-24T22:24:00.000-07:00

Have you ever wondered why this life holds for you?

All the struggles that run through your mind.

There is a feeling that somehow no matter what you do, you are left alone crying in the dark. But there is much you can believe in.

If only you will trust in Him.

Yet to all who receives Him, who believes in His name.

He gave the right to be the children of God (:

Just a week ago, Alexi asked me if I want to become a young adult as soon as possible. So I told him how much I yearn to. But now, I've changed my mind.

Life is short. We should learn to appreciate beautiful things in life and cherish every single moment of it, shouldn't we? And now as I think back, if I had a chance. Just one chance. I would want to turn back time to repeat the life of a little girl for the better. I would want to learn how to appreciate life, the people who loved me and even the littlest things God had granted me. I wish I hadn't taken things for granted. I wish that I had cherish people who loved me. I wished that I had loved..

Coming back to reality, as I opened my eyes with arms wide and heart abandoned, for all the years that have passed, I've learnt to be humble. To be the last before I become the first. Like a zebra. You have to be a Z before an A. To learn to appreciate beautiful things in life and friends that I have. If we get hold of each other and hold on, there's nothing more beautiful in the world... (:

This week has been an enjoyable one. Last Sunday, my dearest fetch me from my doorstep to church for combined service and he didn't tell me. I was shocked because he scared the hell out of me. Haha. And he surprised me with my birthday present. So sweeeeeet :D

Later in the day, I went to Valarie's house for pre-practical exam for Home Econs. From what I knew, Jia Qi was the only one who was coming with us. When I reached her house, I was so surprised that Kong Wei was there too and they actually bought me a birthday cake with all their presents layed out for me! I was really really touched and I didn't know that was coming. This might be a little late but, thanks guys :D

For this week, I had a total of 2 spotchecks and I managed to escape the both of them. Haha. Thanks to my secret ways ;P

Had excursion to the Malay Heritage Centre on Monday and I had a whole lot of fun! Adeline, Cheryl, Jia Qi, Valarie and I sang, laughed and emo-ed on the bus. Haha. We're the 5 who will never be apart :D The tour was rather boring but we enjoyed each other's company though (:

Reservoir run was.. Err.. Great? Haha. 2E5 won quite a number of medals. Thanks to a few best athletes in class :)

2E5 will be missed dearly by me :)

2007-08-18T06:02:00.000-07:00

"Every year we're getting closer to who we're going to be. It's the time to celebrate the story of who you've come to be. Happy Birthday, Maeve :D"

What warmed my heart this morning was that I was greeted good morning by 12 messages from Rachael, Cheryl, Darrell, Carissa, Daniel, Nicole, Mitchell, Valarie, my dearest Timothy, Clara and Danielle. Thank you, loves for all those sweet messages :D

Could you imagine my cellphone vibrating violently 12 times? Haha. Luckily, I remembered to put my cellphone to silent mode. If not, 'What hurts the most' will be playing over and over again for 12 times. Haha.

My mom wished me happy birthday in bed! The way she said was so so so sweeeeet :D She really meant it from the bottom of her heart. You could hear it. It might sound so simple but yet, it's really dignified :) I said thank you and I gave her a kiss. She returned a kiss to me too. So I fell asleep in her arms. At that point of time, I really felt like crying. I don't know why, but yeah. I guess emotions just overwhelmed me.

Ever since young, receiving and opening presents have always been my annual hobby. It wasn't an exception today too. I opened all of the presents I've received so far today and my sister took a video of it. I look totally horrible in it because I was practically screaming. Haha.

The present Rachel, Alicia and Priscilla gave me was so hilarious. I had to rip off 7 layers to get my gift! 2 layers of nice wrapping papers and 5 layers of NEWSPAPER! Haha. Thanks, girls :D Adeline and Muttaqin gave me a pair of cool slippers, a razor back and another thingy which I'm still figuring out what is it. Haha. But it's cute though. It has 2 little angels on it. Very pretty :D

My dad came over. He wished me happy birthday (: I'm glad he made the effort to come and visit us once again after the day we last met. For once, I felt love. True family love. For once, in a very long while, we laughed together as a family. That was the best birthday present anyone could ever give me. And I really thank God for that :D

Basically, I spent my whole entire birthday today walking from home to Downtown East, back to home, then from home to White Sands then to home, from home to central then to home. Haha. I'm sure I've lost a lot of calories! My mom bought me a big birthday cake! I didn't expect her to buy it and I was really really surprised. She specially ordered one with a ballet dancer on it and I'm so touched. I was really really really shocked when I collected the cake with her. I landed my eyes on the cake and my heart literally melted. Wow, the love of a mother is truly and really remarkable.

14 years have passed and I really thank God for everything that He has done in my life. I thank Him for the friends I have around me who cares and my family who are always there to help and support me.

Especially my mom! She is one who always helps me in relationships, friendships and always asks me about my day at school. She never fail to bring a smile upon her face even though things might upset her.

And to my 2 sisters as well :D At times, we may quarrel but deep down in my heart, I love them. They help me in my relationship too. They are ones whom I treasure the most because we're sisters and they never fail to bring me joy and laughter everyday.

Time passes fast. A few more minutes, and there goes another day. But I'm already contented with what I have. 24 hours of unconditional love, care, share and most importantly, a minute of experiencing my true family. My true family with a love that never fails to bind us together. Even for a minute, I'm contented.

2007-08-17T04:06:00.000-07:00

Happy belated birthday to Darrell Song!

Happy birthday to Nicole!

I totally detest cats. No offence to all the cat-lovers out there. Yesterday morning, as I was leaving my house for school, my neighbour's cat 'greeted' me at my doorstep and obviously, I was scared out of my wits! So I immediately slammed my door right into its face. After I regained my courage, I opened the gate and slowly went out of my house. Then the cat appeared at my corridor. I literally jumped okay! The cat jumped too. Haha. After that, it walked back to it's house. Uh, lame start of the day -.-

Little eyecandy is so so so cute! Haha. My class sold SPCA merchandise for CIP during upper and lower secondary recess yesterday. Good thing was, a few of us got to skip History class :D Bad thing was, the business wasn't as good as today. Oh well, the main point is.. Eyecandy bought me a card from our CIP project! That's so sweeeeet :D

Ooh, I want that white suspender with the white tube! It looks so niceeeeee but it costs $32 I think :X I hope someone would buy it for meeee :D Anyway.. Guess what? I need a Uhu glue stick, dozens of 0.38 uni-ball blue pen, a scotchtape, a new shoulder bag and a handphone keychain! (:

My class was supposedly to be spotchecked this morning. When Valarie told me that our class hit the bullseye, I was freaking out like mad. Jon Loh and Jun Wei kept looking at Valarie and I because they suspected that we brought. I was thinking to myself,"14th birthday without cellphone? No way." Haha. So I asked Nicholas if he could help me keep my phone but Jon Loh kept looking so I couldn't pass it to him. When he walked away, just nice Jun Wei was engaged in a conversation with Mr Singgam and all the other councillors at the back were daydreaming their way, I threw my phone at Nicholas. Just nice, it landed on his legs! Haha. Or should I phrase it that my hand went out of control that I 'threw' the phone at him? But in the end, there was no spotcheck because of some excursion briefing. Haha.

In the midst of aftermath and confusion.

I don't know if I should love my Dad or not. I need help :X Sometimes, he loves us. Sometimes, he doesn't. Shouldn't Dad offer their love unconditionally?

As I walk pass the streets, seeing little kids with a mom and a dad. Look, even little kids do have happy families. Why don't I have one? The way he treated his family especially to my mom. So why must I love him? He didn't give me any good reason to love him. And he once told my sister that he wanted to walk out of the house. Why all the hate? Why all the despair?

All right. Maeve, it's time for you to let go and let God. Yes, I'm letting go and letting God. I'm going to appreciate the art of losing myself in bringing You praise. I'm going to surrender.

2007-08-11T23:41:00.000-07:00

I'm running out of ways on how to start each blog post. Hearing many clicks on the keyboards and then long pauses as I press the backspace. This goes over and over again.

I shall have a different way of blogging today. I shall start from yesterday till the day I last blogged. Save the best for the last as you can see :D

Saturday, 11th August

Went to church at 11am in preparation for the dance for worship. I was obviously late beacause I had to buy breakfast for Vanessa Yap <3

At a later time, we had a rehearsal with the Worship Team. One word. Screwed. Everything went hay-wired and I could see that Vanessa was trying really hard to get everything back into place. Almost all of us either forgot our steps or we went out of timing. But we prayed and we trusted God. We were dancing for God and not for Man :)

The worship dance went pretty well actually. It was all for God. I'm sure God must be really proud of His royal dancers! :DD We should learnt to be worshippers and not performers (:

Friday, 10th August

Woke up very early in the morning for Zone Fun Day. Went with the cell by MRT. The train ride was longggg. However, there was Estelle, Erica and Jolynn to accompany me! :D Erica is so adorable. Haha. I think I've gotten to know her better. I don't usually talk to her in church the last time but now, she is like my best friend! (:

Reached there and there were a total of over 100 people. Wow. The whole zone was divided into their own cells and all of us started playing different games. Estelle, Erica, Joelle and I were together most of the time.

Somehow, we secretly went into the sea while the rest of the cell played games. Erica was like making us laugh a hell lot! Haha. First it started off with a plastic bag. Then, a straw and a stick. Next, some seaweed. And ta-daaaa! You have what you think we got. Haha. I learnt 2 words ; peh-hor and cum :DD Oh, and Erica, Estelle, Joelle, Jolynn and I have new names by Randolf.

Erica -It's

Maeve - a

Estelle - dis

Jolynn - as

Joelle - ter

Put them all together and you'll have IT'S A DISASTER! Haha. We had new names by him because we were making a lot of noises and we called him a peh-hor wearing bedroom slippers to Sentosa. Haha.

Hey, look! It's Erica <3

Jolynn is love :D

The last game was Capture The Flag. The whole zone played and that was the best game of all. After all of us were dismissed, Vanessa, Shermaine and I stayed back to sun-tan :D The sun wasn't really strong so Vanessa decided to leave as we have dance conference in the evening. When we wanted to leave, the sun came out. This time, the sun was very strong and you could feel the heat of summer sunshine when you lie down by the shore.

We layed there for about 45 minutes. The sun was scorching hot and as I closed my eyes, I felt the breeze. I hear the birds chirping, the waves crashing onto the shore. It was as if my whole body was sinking down into the sand. The feeling is simply remarkable.

It was 1730 when we left Sentosa. We were obviously late because the dance conference starts at 1800! We hurriedly left the place with no direction in mind. In the end, we ended up at a dead end. So we made our way back to the other end and thank God, we found a clean toilet. We bathed and got changed real quick. And we took more than half and hour to do it. Haha. We had a hard time bathing as it was confirmed that we are sunburnt and we were aching all over.

We went to take a tram back to HabourFront. Erm, I mean a wrong tram. We took the one that came from HabourFront. So in other words, if we continue our journey in that tram, it will take us on a merry-go-round to HarbourFront. So we alighted at the next stop and walked all the way back. Oh great, we were even later than we expected we will be. Vanessa concluded that God was trying to tell us that we shouldn't stayed on and sun-tan after all. I think she is right. God works :D

Bought dinner at HabourFront hawker centre and we took a train down to Singapore Expo. We ate while walking and that was a very un-glam sight. Haha. The Shachah International worship conference was great! So many people were there. God's presence was there too.

Check this out! Sorry, it's not very clear.

-http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tdoWRlljhcw

-http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lwt0HC8UyFo

-http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1UoXw-stOUQ

-http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ej8DQ2kIGD0

-http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QdvgNIPBV-8

-http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pa7dyk-u9o4

So, did you see how they run and how joyful they are to dance for God? They ran so fast and they struggled so hard to break free from the bondages. They danced so freely that they did not even care how people might look at them. Yes, they broke free and they didn't care about anything else. They are liberated. In Jesus' name, Amen (:

2007-08-09T05:57:00.000-07:00

I'm back with updates for this week :D

Monday, 06th August

Had 2.4km run. My timing was 15.57 minutes. For the first time in my life, I've gotten such a timing! Usually I always clocked in at 18 minutes plus. This year, I managed to clock in 15 minutes! Thank God. I didn't stop running for the 2.4km. I didn't even walk nor I didn't even procrastinate during the run. That is my greatest achievement for the week (:

During Science class today, I witnessed the 'amazing and adorable ways of friendship' Muttaqin and Hidir expresses to each other and to Hafeez as well. Hafeez is currently having a broken left arm so Mutty and Hidir used their towels to wrap around their left arm to imitate Hafeez. The sight is super hilarious. Haha. The sad thing was, I didn't took photos of them wrapping their towels around their arm :/ Mutty and Hidir also used both their towels to tie their legs together to the legs of the benches in the Bio lab. Muttaqin says,"Friends for life." Haha :D

Do you see the towels together with their legs?

And, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MY DEAR :DD

Wednesday, 08th August

I performed twice for National Day Celebration in school on Wednesday. Modern and Malay dancers danced the racial harmony dance we did for the Punggol Street Parade. Everything went smooth. It's just that we were a little cramped up on stage. After that, a few sec 2 classes had the finals for the Wedding Bells in Harmony. I played the bride in the skit. So after my dance, I had to rush to the toilet immediately to get changed for my skit. Thanks to Adeline, Jia Qi, Valarie and Liyana, I managed to get ready before our skit (: The skit went well. Muttaqin was my groom and he was great :D I'm indeed proud of him. He acted 'way more than I expected'. My class should know what I mean. Haha. We had pandan cake with whip cream for the wedding cake. Although it looks disgusting, it tasted nice! But unfortunately, my classmates threw it away :( I could have eaten it all by myself! Haha. In the end, we achieved 3rd for the competition. But I expected us to get 1st! Hmph, Mutty had taken advantage of me for nothing! :X Oh well, at least we got $80 KFC voucher. Haha.

In preparation for this performance, I've grown closer to people whom I don't usually talk to the last time. People like Sabira :D

There'll be zone gathering at Sentosa tomorrow. And I've got to meet my cell at 8am tomorrow!! Wow, that's early for me. Oh well, I can't wait to get sun-tanned again! Haha. After that, I'll be having a dance conference. This means that I have to bring whatever I need for the conference to Sentosa! Oh my, my bag is going to weigh a ton! :X

2007-08-05T05:46:00.000-07:00

Rehearsal at Muttaqin's house was great :D Met Adeline and Keith at White Sands. I reached there pretty early so I went up to the library and did a research on dance. I read a few books about ballet and wow, I want to learn ballet but I never get the chance to. I really admire those who are learning ballet (:

We walked from White Sands to Mut's house which was 3 bus stops away! Thanks to me, I'm sure we did lose some calories. Haha. We went to the MacDonalds at Elias Mall and waited for Mut and Sabira. That place brought back a lot of memories to me. I celebrated my 6th birthday there and I still remembered my mom booked the whole place just for my birthday party (:

After much idling around at Macs, Mut and Sab finally came. He looks so adorable in the way he walks. Haha. So we walked to his house and on the way, Mut was waving and saying hi to almost everyone he sees. He knows almost everyone in his neighbourhood! And that is the heart-warming thing (:

We went to the multi-purpose hall and rehearse. Liyana came and join us. It was a little slack. We were chatting most of the time instead of rehearsing. And we were discussing on how to make the door for the scene for 2 hour plus! How hilarious. Haha. Then, Mut brought his sister downstairs. They strolled in to the multi-purpose hall together holding hands. So sweeeeeet :D His sister is only 2 years old and she is so adorable! She is always running about and Mut took care of her. The way he cared and loved his sister is inevitable and it just melts your heart. And now I realised, Mut is a lovely boy.

We thought that we had enough rehearsal so we went up to Mut's house and eat. His sister ate with us and she sure is a messy eater. Just like Mutty. Haha. Muttaqin is such a caring brother! He washed up our dishes, fed his sister, mop the floor when his sister dirtied it, wiped the tables after we've eaten and he entertained us so well at his place (: He even helped his mom to change the diapers of his little sister. Usually all this should be done by the sister, shouldn't it? But Mut helped his mom in doing all this unconditionally. That is the thing that I admire him as a friend. You will be so amazed by him if you were there to witness every single little action that he has done. You will, trust me (: And if you were those very emotional kind of people, you will literally cry at that spot. I was indeed on the verge of tearing.

Mutty is my best friend. Always, always and forever :D

2007-08-04T21:22:00.000-07:00

My sister went for service yesterday. It's been ages since she last went. So I'm pretty glad that she took the time to go for it (:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bzZT-Nc8-is
Close your eyes and listen to this song. All it takes is to listen.

"Listening to your heart, finding out who you are, is not simple. It takes time for the chatter to quiet down. In the silence of "not doing" we begin to know what we feel. If we listen and hear what is being offered, then anything in our life can be our guide. Listen. "

I'm beginning to adore nature once again.

2007-08-04T02:18:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, I find it so hard to love others. All the things you've done, all the things you've said. Unknowingly, I start to judge them in a negative way. I'm not referring to anyone in particular. It's just that sometimes, I feel that I'm being used by people. And yet, instead of loving them, I backstab and curse.

So I think back. Why am I doing all these when I shouldn't even have? I reflected, I prayed and I thought of the song by True Vibe. And it's Pray.

Thinking through

What to do

You're searching every angle and point of view

Good advice, well rehearsed

Only seems to make matters worse

When you're at a dead end

Where do you go?

My friend, there's an answer I know

Pray, when the road is steep

Pray, when you're hope gets weak

Know the Father hears through

The silence and the tears you

Pray, when you don't know how

Pray, heaven's waiting now

And Jesus is just a breath away

Pray

The deepest sighs Of the heart

Sometimes it's a struggle when we first start

To wrap our needs up in words

And trust that somehow we will be heard

Draw near, and know you are loved

God hears, and his heart is touched

Pray for the strength you're needin'

To go on believin'

No matter what you face

You'll have the wisdom and the grace to...

Lord, where are you? Bring me through those struggles, hurts and pains I am having between my friends and I. Yes Lord, bring me through. And won't you Lord, forgive me for all my wrong doings. Liberate me from all that hate with no existence of love.

Indeed, God works. I forgave and I forget.

Shouldn't all of us forgive and forget too? Why bother bearing grudges instead of leading a happy life? Think through it once more.

And you know what? My God is one that liberates you (:

2007-07-29T21:59:00.000-07:00

Lord, I want to be real with you.
I want to give thanks when I am overjoyed and when everything is looking good.
I want to learn how to appreciate the things that You've done for me.

I want to be sorry when I have missed it and need Your grace and mercy.
I will say what I mean and mean what I say.
For in 1 John 1:9-10 says,"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."

I will hunger for Your truth as my future is glowing.
I will stay close to You and never stray away from You again.

I will be broken and honest when things seem unfair. I will not curse men, but I'll be broken and honest. For I'll let vengence be the Lord's.

I'll praise You for who You are when nothing makes sense. I will stand in Your word till my days die.

You might wonder. Who are we to deserve such great love? Yes, the love of God. He loves us as much as Jesus's hand was wide opened when He was being nailed to the cross. His love for us is as deep as it is when He sent His son, Jesus from heaven to earth to save us from hell. His love is just the distance a nail needs to pierce through His palms. And yet, at times, we doubt the love of God. But why?

God loves us so much that He wants to purify us and to be moulded into His image. Just like how a goldsmith purifies a silver. To purify a silver, the goldsmith has to put it over a fire with his bare hands. And in order to completly purify it, he has to put each side of the silver over the fire for the right amount of time. If it's too long, the silver would be destroyed. If it's too short, the impurities would not be burnt away.

So one day, a woman went to ask the goldsmith,"How long do you have to put the silver over the fire to take the impurities away and without destroying it?" The goldsmith replied,"The silver will be purified when I can see my image in it even if my hands are burning."

God is the goldsmith and we are the silver. We will only be purified when we can see God's image in ourselves. God wants us to be purified and yet, He is willing to be 'burnt'.

God loves us so much that He sent Jesus down to earth to save us. Just like a line of ants going back to its nest. In front of them, there was a fire but those ants kept crawling on.

Imagine yourself trying to tell those ants not to stop crawling ahead. No matter how hard you try or how loud you shout, those ants still can't hear you. Because ants don't understand humans. Now put God in our position and we, the ants'. We, humans can't understand God. But yet, God wants us to understand Him. He wants us to stay away from that fire ahead of us. He wants to save us from hell. So He sent Jesus down to earth to die for us, the sinners.

God loves us for who we are and not how we are.
An example. Once, there was an old clay jar with a lot of cracks. So one day, he thought to himself,"Why do I still exist even though I'm so ugly and broken? Does it matter to anyone even if my existence are known?" Then, there was an announcement that the potter will be dropping by to mould more clay jars. When the potter came, that clay jar questioned him,"Why do I still exist even though I'm ugly and broken?" The potter replied,"I love you for who you are. I made you and I made no mistakes."

Another example. If you saw a $50 note in a filthy and smelly rubbish bin, would you pick it? If you wouldn't, God will. We are like the $50 note. Although we are dirty and filled with sins, God still picks us up because He cherish us and love us for who we are. God cares about the value in us and not how many sins we have.

So people, ask yourself this question. Have you ever love God as much as He loves us? John 3:16 says,"For God so loved the world that He gave his one and only son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life."

In His Love

In His love, there’s a place where you can always hide away
In His love, there’s no need to run, no need to be afraid.
If the world’s a sea of trouble, you can always rise above
If you know that you are safely, In His love.

In His love, where all pain and sorrow quickly fade away
In His love, there’s a bright tomorrow just beyond today
If your heart is filled with sorrow, if it’s all you can think of
Still there’ll be a new tomorrow, In His love.

His love is never far away, yet sometimes hard to see
If we would take the time to pray,
His love would flow through you and me.

In His love, there’s a place where you can watch the world go by
In His love, there’s no need to hurry, everything’s on time
When the world’s a sea of trouble, you can always rise above
If you know that you are safely, In His love.

In His love, there’s a place where you can always hide away
In His love, there’s no need to run, no need to be afraid.
If your heart is filled with sorrow, if it’s all you can think of
Still there’ll be a new tomorrow, In His love.

Credits to Charmaine Cheang <3

2007-07-27T03:43:00.000-07:00

I'm finally back after a week's long and tight schedule. There are so many things that happened and I don't even know where to start..

Hmm. Nubian Gents! Yes, I shall start from Nubian Gents. The concert was great! The dance was awesome. And the singing too. I believe God did something special in most of our lives on that day. God is truly amazing. He can amaze you and me :D

It was our first month on 23th July :D We didn't really go out together. He just met me at my downstairs and we exchanged gifts. He gave me a heart-shaped bottle filled with 143 hearts! That's so sweet of him. Haha. Then he came over to my place for the first time. My mom asked him a lot of questions which was quite an embarrassment. Haha. Oh well. I was very happy though (:

Dance practice in school is getting more boring. We don't even have competitions coming up and yet we are still having practices for nothing. Uh. Where is my passion I have for dance?

I'm so cocked, screwed and busted today. We had an English test and I did not manage to finish the summary. I was practically rushing through it and my handwriting was illegible. Then, when I wanted to hand it up to Miss Saadon, SHE LEFT! I was freaking out. But Johnathan was very kind enough to make the effort to find her for me even though in the end, he couldn't. Johnathan can be very very very sweet to me at times and he can be very very very mean to me too. I wonder what is his problem. Haha. Well, I still appreciate his kindness today :D

One thing, Muttaqin is having mood swings. He showed me attitude this morning :X I was obviously sad. I quit being the bride in the wedding competition because my groom irritated me! :(

We have been friends for 10 years now. You could say best friends at times. We had many happy moments together and we were always there for each other. But today, something caught up with him. He was in trouble. There is nothing I can do but just pray and hope. Yes, I totally feel cocked, screwed and busted.

I love you :D

2007-07-20T02:45:00.000-07:00

I enjoyed school today (: We had entrepreneur fair as well as a few periods free. Camwhored all the way :D

Entreprenuer fair was pretty good. I spent a total of $8 ! Oh my, and that was my lunch okayyy. I visited all my sec 3 and 4s seniors' stalls. They entertained me pretty well. I went to Ryan's stall too ! And he gave a a free drink secretly ! Haha. I had fun though (:

These are the photos I took on 15 July, the day we had our competition. There are still more but those pictures didn't appear in my computer so I couldn't upload. And one of them which I couldn't upload is the one I took with you, Ying Quan. So sorry. I'll try uploading it sometime soon (:

3 more days <3

2007-07-19T06:19:00.000-07:00

Haven't been updating for a few days so I'll just update on the highlights (:

CCA has been stopped temporarily for 1 week because our performance just ended. I somehow miss all the Sec 3s :X Rachel, Cammie, Alicia, Priscilla, Valarie and not forgetting Ying Quan, Nicole and Hui Hui as well :D

Yesterday, we had a competition. The Sec 2 cohort had to advertise on a product using an animal. It sounds wierd, yes I know. Haha. Well, after all the theme of the English Week is "Anthropomorphism". So we had to do that.

Today, we had a racial harmony wedding competition. Unfortunately, I have to be the bride. And my groom was dearest Muttaqin. He is so adorable. Haha. And guess what? We only had 2 rehearsals which was today and we managed to rush through everything and did well for the auditions in the afternoon! :D There is one scene whereby Muttaqin has to confess to me his love in Chinese. It was a very big obstacle for him to conquer it. But nevertheless, he did it and I'm so proud of him!

Just exactly 2 weeks ago on the 05 July's post, I mentioned about Muttaqin. Whoever gets to be his girlfriend is so fortunate! Haha. Muttaqin is a really adorable and sweet guy. So sweet within (:

During today's auditions, he slighty changed his lines. You could say that he changed it for the better. Because he acted as if it was a real scene! He said sweet little stuffs :D Haha. And that is improvisation. I'm so proud of him.

Second one to praise is Hidir! I admire him so much. He even thought of giving up his soccer match just for today's auditions. How sacrificial.

Something to enlighten you..

Why smile?
Give everyone around you a smile to brighten up their day!

When you meet a friend on the streets, or on the way to school, what do you do? Most of us would give them a smile, complete with a handshake and asking, "How've you been?" Without that smile, nobody would know if you're a friend or foe, whether you come in peace or hostility.

Now you see why a smile is so important?
Here are some reasons that should make you more willing to smile!

Smiling makes you feel happier!
Smiling releases endorphins and serotonin. These are natural painkillers that are released by the body. Serotonin, which is also released when you're in love and when you eat chocolate, helps you regulate anger, aggresion and mood, among other things, and makes you feel better. Endorphins promote a "sense of well-being". So yes, smiling not only makes you look as if you're in a good mood, it actually puts you in a good mood too! :)

Smiling makes you more popular!
Take a look around your classroom - do the more popular students in your class usually have a smile on their faces, or they do usually look sullen and glum? Well, chances are that they are usually cheerful, bubbly, and more often than not have a big grin on their faces. That is exactly what mkes them apporacable - because they don't look like they're about to bite your head off when you work with them.

Smiling makes everyone else feel better!
Smile at one person, and he or she would most likely smile back at you. So as you're helping yourself better, you're also helping your friends or the people you talk to feel better about their lives or what they're doing now.

Smiling eases tension between people.
You're rushing to school, but the MRT carriage is full of people. You have to squezze yourself into tiny space right in front of the door, but your bag ends up ramming the person beside you in the gut. Apologising with a smile shows that you're sorry about knocking into the person, and will probably spare you of hearing someone complaining about how inconsiderate students are these days. After all, they don't want to be seen as mean people who can't accpt an apology graciously, do they ?

Aren't these just great reasons to smile ? 6 to 12 August is "Smile Week", so remember to give everyone around you the sunniest smile during this week!

I want to smile nicelyyyyyyyyyyy.
4 more days <3

2007-07-16T06:38:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, I feel so helpless. When friends have problems, I am at a loss of words. Trying to find words to advice and comfort them when I don't even know how. I'm so afraid that I'll even hurt them more. I can only lend them a listening ear.

She's at a state where feelings are so breakable. She was once a cheerful girl. Her laughter brightens up the whole atmosphere. She is so lovely within. I want her back.

Lord, take her pain away. Although she is not a believer but I know that you love her. Let go, let God.

Your faithfulness never fails
Your faithfulness everyday
You're the same

Unfailing love sets me free
Unfailing love you lead me
With Your hands

And all I know
You're with your arms around me
Your face is all that I see

Your love and grace
Pick me up and hold me
You alone are holy

For you alone are great in power
You alone are my strong tower
And I will give my heart and soul to worship you alone

For you alone are my desire
You have set my heart on fire
And I will give my heart and soul to worship you alone
Worship You alone.

2007-07-16T04:19:00.000-07:00

Saturday, 14th July
Alexi shared about vision casting during cell. Yes, it impacted me. He talked about discipline and the fear of God. What he really said was what PS was lacking. Discipline. Come on people, it's the time we encourage one another to respect and love God and to be early for service (:

Sunday, 15th July
The time has come. The moment which everyone has been waiting for. It's the dance competition ! :D The experience was really a good one. Imagine yourself dancing in front of more than 16,000 spectators and cameramen filming and snapping countless shots of you. While performing for the second stage, I saw YVONNE CHUA SHI YUN !! I was so so surprised ! She made me smile so much more. I really want to thank her for that. Haha. It's been 5 years since we last met. I do miss her a lot. I'm glad I saw her. Thank God :D

Mdm Azlina asked for 2 girls who are good in English to write a write-up on the street parade dance competition and my dearest Rachel Lee sabotaged me. Thanks a lot, love :/

Before the competition, I felt so nervous. I prayed a lot before the competition. As each and every school performed, we were nearing the platform. My adrenaline was pumping in so heavily. I have never felt that way before.

One thing, I've got to declare that I LOVE ADRENALINE RUSHES ! Haha. Especially if it's before performances :DD

I'll upload all the pictures soon. I promise (:

Monday, 16th July
Happy Birthday, Farhan Rohani :DD I gave him a letter and this is the first time he smiled so sweetly. Haha. ( Is that how you can describe a guy? )

Happy 1st birthday to Maeve Woh too !! (: I've been baptised for a year exactly already. I think everyone has forgotten about it. No one cares.

Fill me with your love once again, Lord. I need your love to love.
Not where I breathe, but where I love I live.

7 more days ! :D

2007-07-13T03:25:00.000-07:00

Made pancakes today. Mom says I aced it ! :D And I did it all by myself. Haha. I was supposed to put 4 tablespoons of flour but I just estimated about a handful of flour will do. But it turned out all right (:

I was packing my stuff and I found my 2 year old diary. Although it has only 5 entries, it really did brought back some memories of the past. I was only 12 then so my english and handwriting was totally outrageous. These 5 entries is about the very first few MegaLife services I had back then and how I joined dance and my experience during the first practice.

As I think back, I'm really glad I had the tendency of writing down journal entries. These entries now, rekindled those moments I just started my child-like faith in Christ (: I mentioned a lot about Alethea. Every Saturday we would hang out together after service pulling each other's rubber bands. It was childish and yet, we were easily contented. I mentioned about my first dance practice too. Pardon me for my innocent language in the entry.

02 February 2005, Wednesday

Today, I was so excited and nervous... I was excited because it was the very first Dance Practice... Nervous because I'm afraid I did not make any new friends... So we started... First, we prayed, worship and then we did some stretches before dancing... I was extremely nervous as I thought I will make a few mistakes... Luckily, there was Vanessa Yap, Amanda Teo and Kimberly Oh to help me... When we practice, it was very fast... Amanda Teo and I could not catch up, but I enjoyed it very much... Shu Ying is also very funny... She will make the dance steps very funny so that we can remember... Hehe... I also made friends... There are a few which I met... Jasmine, Xiao Ting, Amanda Teo, Vanessa Yap, Shirleen, Aza, Kimberly, Jocelyn and... MYSELF ! Hahaxx...[Till then...]

No changes were made to this diary entry at all ! Including my language. So it has significant meaning (: I really love my very first practice in dance. I still remember I wore jeans :/ And there was no dance studio yet. So practices were held in the Main Sanctuary. I remember all the practices we had together. Those memories were never forgotten.

There was once when Shi Yi and I found a cockroach when we were practising the Youth Alpha dance in 2005. So we asked Thumbi to take it away. He immediately walked to it and stepped it. That moment was hilarious. Haha. Shi Yi and I were laughing so hard :D

Well, everyone's first experience is always a memorable one. One which falls so deep into your heart. All of us have to try something new, don't we ? (:

Nubian Gents countdown : 8 more days.
I'll be inviting my sister for it. I really hope she'll be moved by God and remember that she once loved God so much and that passion will ignite her again. Maeve, it's time to pray !

God, you take control and be the driver of her life for I know that you'll never forsake her (:

2007-07-11T03:32:00.000-07:00

Tuesday, 10th July
School was fun, fun and FUN ! But it was only for the last two periods. Haha. We had assembly and it was about contemporary dance in the form of Math inspiration. It was boring at first but it became slightly interesting when it comes to the dance part :D There were 4 dancers and they danced contemporary dance. And their dance steps were lines, dots, box, circles and other more stuff that has to do with Math ! It is interesting (: All their steps are so expressive and wonderful ! Their dance item as a whole is fabulous :D

After their performance, they asked for 4 volunteers to go up to the stage and learn some dance steps. I went up with Coleen because I thought that it'll be a good experience to learn dance steps and embarass myself in front of the lower school. After all, it is a really good experience :D And I did embarassed myself. Haha.

Wednesday, 11th July
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, VANESSA !!

I really want to thank you for being there for me. Without you, my life in dance ministry would be so screwed up. Thank you for mentoring me for these past 2 years in dance. I'm sure I've grown up spiritually with the help of yours ! I've been impacted by you so much. Through your blog posts and the way you handled dance ministry. I love you darling :D

4 more days, dancers ! Oh gosh, dance competition will be this Sunday and we haven't get all the costumes done ! More than 16,000 people will be there and we'll be filmed ! Rachel, you better get your face in front of the camera ! Haha.

There will be a dance competition this Sunday, 15th July at Punggol CC at 1700 hours. Please be there to support the Greenview Modern and Malay dancers :D

2007-07-09T01:59:00.000-07:00

I have a lot to blog about.

These few days, I have been praying a lot. I have so many things in mind to tell God. From family to friends to relationships to spiritual life to school to teachers and even myself.

I busted my bill this month, again. I need to find a way to control sending excessive messages ! Sweethearts, I would really appreciate if you could call me instead of messaging. Try your best all right ? :D

My 11 month old cousin came over on Saturday. And she was so noisy ! She screamed on top of her voice, cried, climbed, rolled, pulled and bit almost everything which was within her reach. Haha. But when she laughs and smiles, she brings joy to your heart. She is the sweetest thing you can ever find ! (:

Live Earth - The concert for a climate in crisis. Save the Earth, people ! 07 July and 08 July 2007 are days to remember (: I find it pretty wierd though. Aren't we supposed to save the Earth ? And one of the ways are to save electricity, isn't it ? But why do they have a 24-hours telecast of the concerts held over 7 continents and thus we, the people watching live concerts 24 hours non-stop ? That is wasting electricity. Haha.

Top 10 things you can do at home

1) Switch to compact fluorescent bulbs
2) Set thermostat to 55°F when sleeping
3) Maintain properly inflated car tires
4) Set water heater temperature to 130°F
5) Choose seafood wisely
6) Buy EnergyStar appliances and electronics
7) Wash and rinse in cold water
8) Buy locally produced food and produce
9) Drink from reusable glassware
10) Walk, bike and carpool

NUBIAN GENTS!

Date: 21st July 2007, Saturday

Time: 8pm

Venue: Riverlife Church worship centre, 6 Loyang Besar Close ( near Downtown East)

Guess what ? Nubian Gents are coming to Singapore !! As I read everyone's blog, they'll be blogging all about Nubian Gents, Nubian Gents and more Nubian Gents ! Haha. I'm so excited about it. It'll be a night full of dancing, singing, acting and stepping. And they're all doing it for JESUS CHRIST (:

Let this video captivate your heart - www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ED9F-h8d0s

Oh, and I haven't forgotten.. CHRISTIE IS COMING BACK TO SINGAPORE TOMORROW !!! I'm so happy that I can see her again this Saturday. Yes, I miss her so much :D

Anyway, I'm so addicted to summer :DDD

2007-07-05T04:24:00.000-07:00

I have the urge to appreciate Muttaqin today. I gave him my blog URL and asked him to visit it at 12 midnight.

Dear Muttaqin,
I thank you for teaching me how to spin the pen.
I thank you for teaching me what it means to be 'fresh' and 'unfresh'.
I thank you for teaching me how to poke holes that are really deep with my pen into my table.
I thank you for making me laugh and cheering me up when I'm sad and bored.
I thank you for making a stupid but heart-warming phrase with me today.
"Unfresh but still cool. So not cool but still rocks ! But still look dumb but actually smart. As if.."

Yes, it doesn't really make any sense but the important thing is that we had a lot of fun making that phrase. That phrase which contains overflowing joy and laughter. That phrase which I'll never forget (:

Muttaqin, I really appreciate you a lot. Although we may not be very close but I just want to say that you made a difference in my life ! Those times when we were laughing so happily in cliques are never forgotten !

I just read somthing on Vanessa's blog. And that really impacted me. And there is this sentence she mentioned, "unity - will not be complete with you and i in it!" I am so amazed by this little sentence which mean so much.

Anyway, first date out was awesome (:

2007-07-01T07:24:00.000-07:00

I've got tagged by my lovely Carissa. So here goes..

Each player of the game starts off by giving 6 weird things about themselves. People who get tagged need to write in their blog of their own 6 weird things as well as state the rules clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names.

1) I always bend when taking photos.
2) I can be emotional ANYTIME, ANYWHERE.
3) I can bear tickles at times.
4) I am afraid of the dark at times too.
5) I have sweaty hands even when I'm not nervous or scared.
6) I can appear being oblivious when I want to attract attention.

The 6 people are :
- Adeline.
- Clara.
- Natalie Lim.
- Timothy.
- Valarie.
- YingQuan.

All right. It's been quite some time since I've updated. My dear Cheryl and Valarie are complaining that they can't enter to my blog. I promise I'll do something about it sometime soon (: I have dance practice soon. I'll update when I'm back tomorrow (:

2007-06-29T04:05:00.000-07:00

In life, there are things which you regret.

For some reason, I skipped lunch today. I was very sleepy in English class and I knew I was going to fall sick.

I so did not enjoy dance practice today. Shouldn't go any further.

I reached home and I felt so sick. I was running a fever and had a sore throat. And I realised, I skipped lunch :/ I should have known that if I skipped lunch, I will get sick.

Today's post is crap. Argh. Pardon me for the time being. Maeve is so not herself today. By the way, Happy Birthday to my dear Carissa ! I am so fortunate to have a little sister like her (: She is one crazy babe, man. Oh wells..

God, I need your love once again.

2007-06-27T03:10:00.000-07:00

I'm currently reading "Victoria Line, Central Line" by Maeve Binchy. Coincidentally, the author has the same name as me :)

Anyway, he walked me to school this morning. How sweeeeet ! At least we weren't that quiet :D

It's the third day of school today. So far, it has been pretty good. I'm getting the hang of adapting to the new time table (: Oh Maeve, you are supposed to love and not hate ! You are supposed to speak words of encouragement and not backstab or gossip !

Trust in the Lord.
Lean not on your own understanding.
In all of your ways,
Acknowledge Him.
He'll make your paths straight.

I can't help but do it. Because temptation ignited me.

God, I need your grace. Grant me the courage not to engage in gossips.

Temptation, I am over you. So over !

2007-06-24T02:21:00.000-07:00

One word to describe service yesterday. Power-packed ! God's presence was there. So strong. Pastor Ben Chew opened the altar call. Everyone streamed their way down and as God anointed Pastor Ben, he began to pray for the people who responded. I witnessed everything. God is very powerful ! Almost everyone fell under the Holy Spirit. God is indeed amazing and he will amaze me, and you (:

As I look upon the works of God beginning to change the lives of others, I was so amazed. Even words couldn't comprehend what had happened. It's just so amazing.

Cell was a fulfilling one. What Alexi shared really impacted me a lot. I can't wait to love others ! I've made a promise and I will fulfill it (:

I wish every Saturday could be like yesterday and that moment would last forever. That moment was indeed life-enhancing (:

2007-06-23T23:33:00.000-07:00

Flora has enchantix powers already ! Well, as usual, every Saturday morning, I will wake up from my bed and watch Winx Club :D I've learnt something from the show actually. It's amazing but true.

Before the new series, all the girls from Winx Club have magic winx powers. Now, Stella, Musa and Flora have enchantix powers. And I've learnt something from how they got the powers. It's by sacrificing your life no matter what just to save someone (:

Well, sometimes, we come across people who are selfish and self-centered. Everyone is like that. No one is perfect. Only Jesus is. Even if these people are in need at times, we should help them, shouldn't we ? Coincidentally, I'm sure most of us have watched the drama serial on Channel 8 every 9pm on weekdays. There is this man who thinks that physically or mentally disabled people are a burden to others. So in one of the scenes, that man was jogging in the park when he met a boy who couldn't talk. The boy asked him to retrieve something for him which was caught up in the tree. Unfortunately, he ignored the little boy and continued jogging. Later down the road, that man slipped and fell into the drain. Just in time, the boy passed by and the man called out to him for help. The boy was kind enough to call someone :)

See, the boy helped the man even if he treats him this way. It would be such a blessing if everyone were to be like that. The world would be such a better place to live in. Without hatred, this world will be filled with love. So much love that no one else could ever contain.

After a month of holiday, it has really been a fulfilling month-off from schoolwork. I really had a time of enjoyment :) School is reopening in 2 days' time. I look forward to seeing my lovely Valarie ! I miss her so much. She has been such a blessing to me and she is always there whenever I needed her. I can't wait to catch up with everybody !

I am going to love and not hate, to cherish and not take for granted. I want to be a blessing to others. Just like how God has given Valarie and many others to me as a blessing. I want my blog to be a blessing to others and not a online diary where I gossip and put others down.

I LOVE YOU :D

2007-06-21T05:42:00.000-07:00

I decided to be nice to my mom today so I cooked dinner for everyone instead and I gave her a rest from all the painting that we've been doing the whole day. Mom even said that I aced the cooking ! :D

Maeve is happy today because the joy of the Lord is her strength (:

2007-06-20T05:53:00.000-07:00

I really enjoyed myself today :D I went to Sentosa with dance ministry in the morning and it was the first time that I managed to wake up early and on time. Thank God (:

Oh Vanessa, Vanessa. I thought it was supposed to be a dance ministry outing ? And yet, when I reached Pasir Ris, I saw Ian Kwek who is not in dance ministry and I came to know that Johannes, Shawn Tan and Marvin who are all not in dance ministry coming. I was obviously shocked. Haha.

Well, I did enjoy myself at Sentosa (: It was a great time bonding with everyone especially the new dancers. And thank you Vanessa for teaching all of us how to play volleyball :DD Basically we played captain's ball, volleyball and of course, everyone was thrown into the sea. It was really fun and I'm glad that everyone enjoyed it. Thank God that He had granted all of us a nice and sunny weather. And I'm so happy that I'm tanned again (: This time, I am really tanned. Edrea and Carissa even declared that I've got a sunburn and they were screaming on top of their voices that sunburns are hot. But I beg to differ. Haha.

Edrea and Carissa are super cute ! They made me laugh throughout the whole entire journey through Vivo City. They are such a joy :) Gilda is cute too ! She was the first one that we targeted to throw her into the sea. And the way she screams is super cute ! It makes you laugh. Haha. Her smile is so cute too. Guys who go for cute girls should go for Miss Gilda Chong (:

More pictures will be updated soon after I get it from Charmaine :) Oh, and I didn't know that Edrea and Gilda were sisters. Haha. it's so cool having a sister who has the same age as you but are not twins.

Dance Ministry is love <33

2007-06-19T05:34:00.000-07:00

A video worth watching for dancers. Her ballet techniques are simply perfect and she danced so gracefully (:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wnxO3zJ5jqc

2007-06-17T23:38:00.000-07:00

Once again, I am liberated. The feeling so deep inside that I've never felt before. I was so far away from God and now, I've drawn back to Him by His love. The feeling is just so amazing.

People were just streaming down after Pastor Ken opened the altar. I'm really glad that I've listened to God. I hesitated at that point of time but I told myself, "If I don't go to the altar, I will have to step down in dance ministry and I'll never have an intimate relationship with God again". Thank God, faith was rising within me so much, so much that I couldn't contain that I took that step towards the altar. Although i took much longer time than the rest of the people, I never regret that moment of faith (:

Beautiful Lord, Wonderful Saviour

I know for sure, all of my days are held in your hands,

Crafted into your perfect plan

You gently call me into your presence guiding me by Your Holy Spirit

Teach me dear Lord to live all of my life through Your eyes

I'm captured by Your holy calling

Set me apart, I know you're drawing me to yourself

Lead me Lord I pray

Take me, Mold me, use me, fill me

I give my life to the Potter's hand

Call me, guide me, lead me, walk beside me

I give my life to the Potter's hand

I really want to thank God for Charmaine Cheang :D She prayed for me and let me feel God's love again. I was there crying and crying and crying. And I've never felt this way for so long. I knew God touched me. He was there to take away the pains and the hurts I had. I gradually allowed Him to take control of my life.

The dancers danced a worship song, "Yes and Amen". Even though it was the first time dancing in front of the MegaLifers for most of the dancers but I think they really did well (: And I know God appreciates it and He is proud of His royal dancers serving Him :D

Cell was so fulfilling that night. Joy shared about evangelism. And that really impacted me a lot. As I look back now, Joy was my childhood friend. We used to play together. And I remember there was this time when my sisters, Joy and I were playing newspapers whereby we have to throw at each other when our parents' were having cell. We had a lot of fun and I did enjoyed those times. Yet, we were indeed childish and easily contented (:

Yes, I want to speak words of encouragement. I want to love others and care for others. I want to evangelise to others. I know all these are not easy, but I'll try. For God so love the world that He gave His one and only son that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.

2007-06-17T03:36:00.000-07:00

Meet my Vietnamese eye candy, Minh.

I caught him on the television yesterday in the show, Green Dragon. Ain't he just adorable ?

Look how puny he is with a big 'giant' (: God sure does create lovely and adorable people like you and He loves you, just like how I do :D

2007-06-16T21:11:00.000-07:00

I want to fly.

Flying, the feeling of freedom, the wind in your face, your arms outstretched as that of a bird. Free to roam the skies, your heavenly kingdom, your terrain. Here I sat, strapped up with my flying gear, goggles enclosing my eyes and my over-worked body wrapped tightly in a body suit. This was the test of my life. My knuckles turned pale as icy-cold droplets of sweet lining my forehead. With a sense of pure uncertainty, I took the plunge…

Flying had always been a dream for me. As a child, I used to ponder upon the mysteries of the birds and their well-guarded secret of flying. I simply felt that I would be free from all my sorrows and fears in my abusive family where love and joy was never in existence. Flying for me, seemed like a forbidden fruit, a place where I could not, and should not tread upon.

I remember the only day I felt free and that was when I was placed in foster-care, away from my tormentors, away from terror, away from the evil past. Although the past was left behind, I brought with me the dream of flying, soaring ever so beautifully in the skies. As silly and dull advertisements in the grey and black world of the newspaper flashed pass my sleep-laden eyes, I caught sight of the off-the-top, flashy words, “You can fly now with Avalon”. My heart thumped with a rejoicing rhythm of life, as I dialed the numbers of my destiny.

My eyes slam open as I awake from the brisk walk down memory lane. My testerone kick in as I stared amazed that I was simply among the fluffy white clouds along with the southing wind in my face. A drastic change from the warm interiors of the aeroplane to the cold, but promising setting of the blue skies, my terrain, my kingdom. My strong arms propelled me further towards the intriguing horizons with each flap and stirred me on to reach the fiery gates of the mysterious sun. The adrenaline gushed in so heavily, that it left me feeling astonished from the constant denial of my interior mechanisms of my human body, of the realization of being able to fly. I was free from all that I was, I felt like a bird more than a plane, and more than anything else that dreams could made up of. I was no longer a dreamer but a bird in the sky.

Suddenly, the sharp pangs in my muscular arms awake me from my spurring on to the depths of the horizon. My arms began to feel lifeless and stiff, like they were sealed with heavy blocks of pure cement. My heart missed a terrifying beat and then it dawned upon my now jumbled self. My breath smelled stale while my throat suffered bitterly with my gastric pangs gushing up it constantly. I was falling. A ticking obnoxiously drone through my ears as I stared, the land was just a few metres before me. And as swift as an eagle, I landed, mouth agape, my mind shut.

I feel light again. I began to float up like a bubble would into the sky. I saw people rushing to a liveless form, stained mercilessly with blood, and resembled me. I rose with such gracefulness, it felt almost frightening. I entered swiftly into the golden gates of a palace beyond. I there I remained, free to roam the skies, my terrain, my kingdom. Graceful and precise just like Chinese characters, syntax malleable, free forever.

Credits to Jasmine (:

2007-06-15T22:19:00.000-07:00

God says yes and I know that I'm blessed. Yes, got a heart that is at rest. Yes, and a future that is sealed. Yes, if I'm healed then I'm healed. I'm not afraid of circumstances cuz' I've, I've already found the answer. God is all about promises and yes, yes and amen :D

The heart is all that matters.

2007-06-14T02:41:00.000-07:00

I feel so.. so.. cheated today. I was supposed to start working with Vanessa today and we were supposed to meet the person to pass us the flyers. But in the end, that person didn't turn up amd I felt so cheated. Oh well, $20 gone.

Instead, we spent the whole entire day out looking for a job. I finally understand how difficult it is to find a job. And that includes your transportation fees and the distance you have to walk and walk and walk. And each time you try asking for enquiries, they never fail to disappoint a 14 year old.

This was the very first time that I ever walked home so slowly. I was so tired from all the walking and disappointment. Simply putting, I felt so drained out from all the energy within.

The time is now. I got to start praying and asking God what does He really want me to do in life. I have to pray a lot this week. Second thing to pray about is the worship dance this saturday.

Maeve, oh, Maeve. Why are you so caught up with things that you shouldn't be ?

2007-06-08T21:47:00.000-07:00

Perfect love :D

2007-06-08T04:42:00.000-07:00

Love

Many times, I don't know what to do. But I will cast all my cares upon You. It was so fufilling today during the celebration team meeting. I've been restored once again by God's love. God is love. He touched my heart, held me in His arms and took my pain away. The things of the world will fade. But perfect love won't. Because God is perfect love.

The strings were hanging there at the place where I left. Now, I'm back again to untangle all those strings of the world that were separating God from me. I've learnt to love all the people under me. To forgive them and love them. Whoever lives in love, lives in God. Out of the motivation of love, there will be forgiveness.

Perfect love casts out fear and it is 2-way ; never 1-way. It is given and received. Therefore, love is perfect ! I'm so amazed by God. He has shown me what it takes to be a leader. I'm not going to run away from any responsibilities now. I am going to be a that leader which God has called me to be. Facing reality is really hard. But with God, all things are possible.

Thank you so much Vanessa and Jolynn :D I love you both so much ! Thanks for being there for me. Praying and understanding me. I'm so blessed. So blessed, i can't contain it.

"May the Lord make you increase and abound in love to one another and to all". 1 Thessalonians 3:12

If you want the rainbow, you must first learn to embrace the rain.

2007-06-07T00:52:00.001-07:00

No matter what happens, be still and know that He is God.
Girl, God has given you the authority. Fear not, for you have the right to care for the people under you. Even if you feel that you've done the wrong thing, no worries. Because God has plans to prosper us and not to harm us. Plans to give us a hope and a future. I am always here for you. I love you, babe (:

Pray when the road is steep,
Pray when your hope gets weak.
Know the Father hears through,
The silence and the tears too.

Lately, i've been wondering. Why am i in a turmoil and trepidation ? But somehow, i have no clue about it. I have been worrying about my ministry, my spritiual walk with God and my life. I have a trepidation that things will not be go smooth without prayer.

Listening to your heart, finding out who you are, is not simple. It takes time for the chatter to quiet down. In the silence of "not doing" we begin to know what we feel. If we listen and hear what is being offered, then anything in our life can be our guide. Listen.

One hundred years from now, it will not matter what my bank account will be, the sort of house I am going to live in, or the kind of car I am driving. But the world may be different because I am important in the life of a CHILD.

2007-06-06T22:52:00.000-07:00

i was just reading the newspaper and i saw Miss Bridget Goh in the Life section. she is my ex-primary school teacher and ex-tution teacher :D one thing, she has grown so much prettier !! i kind of miss her right now =/

i cried to sleep last night. i shed my first tear at 2203 and my last at 2249. and he was the last person i messaged. yes, we have drifted apart. but he just doesn't seem to know what is exactly going on. was he just pretending ? i love that moment on 17th Dec 2006 and i am still waiting for him to ask me the question which he asked me on the 26th April.

Finally, feeling exhausted,
i saw stars that struggled to shine,
just like how i struggled in love.

2007-06-05T02:39:00.000-07:00

i'm sick again :/ it's not even a week yet since i've recovered so i decided to skip dance classes today as i am going to have a long week ahead.

on the first week of every month, i'll look through all the profiles of my friends which they have written down regardless of whether we're still in contact or not. the reason i did this is because of birthday updates :) i went through the whole list of names, birthdays, favourite items, colours and etc. every time i do this, it rekindled fond memories of my primary school friends ; the handwriting and the messages they left for me. now, i start to recall the times my best friends in primary school and i had.

i remembered my class partner, Hajir. he sits beside me in class and we always talked about wierd stuff which i somehow can't remember but i always have fun in primary school classes :D he always makes me laugh but sometimes we will quarrel over small little things. now as i think back, i felt so childish and immature.

since we've graduated, we lost contact. i wonder which secondary school he is in now, i wonder if he had moved house and i wonder if he had changed his phone number..

there is this group of people whom i love ! they are Cassandra, Creshelle, Rifat and Amzar :) every morning, we will go to the general office and take the flags to get ready for the flag raising ceremony. i usually raise the flag with Creshelle or Cassandra and Amzar or Rifat will say the plegde :D we always have fun together every morning ! and i used to look forward every day of my life in primary school.

we've grown up already and all of us went into different secondary schools. i still see Amzar because his school is just beside my house and i still see Cassandra as her school is nearby mine.

Even if the days pass by, take heart.
Because there'll always be memories left :)

2007-06-03T07:30:00.000-07:00

most of the leaders are in Sentosa now for Leaders' Camp but i'm at home =/ i should have begged my mom to let me go for it ! and now, i'm missing night services :(

2007-06-03T06:30:00.001-07:00

she was just five years old.

a slightly moody day.

she couldn't stay away from that river's edge.

and i turned my back to count the daffodil seeds that surrounded.

i closed my eyes and then heard the water wake up.

and i still hear that scream.

it's still lingering in the air and everywhere.

mother, please save me.

grab my hand, i can't, i can't.

i still see that face sink beneath the waves.

baby, please breathe for me.

but give me time as i am here.

where'd you go ?

where were the angels that were lonely ?

couldn't they suffice for anybody else ?

can't everybody else just lie to me that she's home ?

that she's home crying for me now.

every night on a Monday, i will visit the same spot that i hate.

yes, the place that baby loved.

now she can taste it.

cuz it took her away.

it's been years since then.

and when it hits June,

i feel like i'm dying again, Ian still won't even talk to me.

isn't this pain guilt enough?

i can't even look out the window, without seeing reflections distorted in the sun.

and when the pain hits me like gunshot, i'm headed on the way to the floor.

i hear her name and it kills me.

and i'm trying my best to hurt me but Ian says it's never enough.

a razor to the wrist for each unshed tear.

but i saw you up there, still floating by the river.

God, you always loved that river.

i bet your heaven looks just like it.

then i'll like it too even though it scares me now when I'm alone.

but when i'm with you, Lord, i'll be just fine.

then, we can talk about butterflies.

2007-06-02T08:02:00.000-07:00

somehow, we drifted apart. i have no idea how did the relationship became this way but all i know is that, i'm trying to salvage the love. my love is still there, what about yours ? tell me, do you still want us to be the way we were ?

2007-06-02T07:33:00.000-07:00

thank God that i did not procrastinate to go for service today. it's been..4-5 weeks since i went for service..? i gave my heart to God once again :D and i want to admit that i was a naughty girl during sermon ! i was playing my handphone games when the sermon was on, you see =/ i was pretty bored and i seriously don't understand what was the sermon was about. oh, forgive me, Lord (: Zadkiel played his handphone games too okay ! i so love worship ;)

2007-06-01T06:58:00.000-07:00

MAEVE IS FINALLY TANNED !

everybody goes,"uh huh, uh huh". HAHA ! whoohoo. ain't you happy that maeve is FINALLY tanned ? oh myy. i'm freaking happy today :D

went to Sentosa with Adeline, Cheryl and JiaQi. Valarie was supposed to go with us but in the end she changed her mind. oh well, i must go out with her one day ! ^^ we took a MRT there. in the train, JiaQi and Cheryl were like laughing so loudly and everyone was like looking at them. HAHA. especially CHERYL YEE luh. and she was like singing SO LOUDLY in the train and she said that she was holding her own concert. IN THE TRAIN ! -_-"

reached Sentosa then we found a spot. so we comfortably sat down and enjoyed the sun and breeze. it was 12 going to 1 then. suddenly, it started drizzling. we were like freaking pissed because we finally found a spot and settled down. oh well, then we moved into a tent nearby. and the place was filled with so many ants and i was utterly disgusted =/

so we sat in the tent zilian-ing. HAHA. especially CHERYL YEE as usual >.<

Adeline and i wanted to take a photo with him. but we were so shy luhh. HAHA. with the help of Cheryl and JiaQi, in the end, we took (: and we got to know that he is named Walten or Walton (or whatever its spelled) ^^

the sun was setting already. so we started the leave the place. JiaQi and Cheryl went to change and Adeline and i continued sitting there tanning. when Walten/Walton and his group of friends were leaving already, he walked up to Adeline and asked him for her number. wah ! so xian mu her luh can. HAHA.

another thing, Cheryl lost the waterbottle Timothy gave me last christmas. boohoo :'( i was so so so so upset :(( but it's ok, Cheryl. you don't have to pay me back or whatever. because, you made my day at sentosa today with your horrendous laughter :D hmm, but still, i miss the waterbottle he gave me !! i wanna cry already =((( i so love that waterbottle luh can.

it's getting late already. shall end of here with photos of the day :) I MUST GO FOR SERVICE TOMORROW !

that hottie :D

2007-05-30T05:47:00.000-07:00

Tuesday, 29th May

Adik and his sister came over to play early in the morning and i was still half asleep ! well, i woke up and took the time to play with them instead. hmm, how nice can i be.. haha. aidk was super noisy luh. he practically screamed his lungs out just for the sake of screaming -_-" but his sister was quietly colouring my winx club colouring book :D i was very nice to let her colour my book.

later, went to courts with my mom. had a pretty fun time there and i took a few photos. hmm, how i wish all this furnitures were in my house right NOW :D

grant me this bed and i'll love you forever ;

Wednesday, 30th May

met vanessa to order tambourines and shopped for new dance costumes. the great singapore sales is on and vanessa was like going high over different kinds of clothings. haha. we stopped at giordano and clara and i became 'models' for vanessa by trying out several different types of clothes -_-"

had dance practice after that. went to church with vanessa, clara and kim :D then, something happened. it was quite a sad thing actually. things were going out of control or rather way beyond the borderline. had mentoring session with vanessa. shared with her my cell stuff and my spiritual walk with God. well, i feel much more better after letting out all this things that i have never shared with anyone before :D

I SO LOVE DANCE MINISTRY (:

2007-05-28T04:15:00.000-07:00

had such a GREAT day today ! attended dance classes in school today. i've learned chinese, indian and malay dance !! cool man. malay dance is like so nice luh can. haha. i think i'm interested in malay dance right now :D

in the afternoon, went out with Alicia and Rachel to White Sands :DD we took neoprints. many many neoprints ! ^^ at first we wanted to go plaza singapura and bugis. but because of time constraint, we didn't. anyway, we had a really fun time together (: Rachel brought home the neoprints because we wanted to scan them into the computer. but, i took pictures of the neoprints while we were decorating it and we camwhored everywhere too ! so, here are they (:

2007-05-27T04:48:00.000-07:00

i went to White Sands with my mom just now and i saw Mr Ong ! i'm not sure if 2E5 still remembers him but he was just a relief teacher for Mdm Yu. yupps. and he doesn't remember me -_-"

anyway, i'm still sick ! gosh, haven't been going to church for a month now. and many bad things happened at home. i have been quarrelling with my second sister for two consecutive days. what is her hell problem man =/

2007-05-26T03:58:00.000-07:00

i didn't go for service today. and now i'm sick. argh. holidays are here and i am sick ?! oh myy.

there is dance practice on monday :D i can't wait.

currently at chapter 6 of The Royal Ballet School of Diaries and i've come to know that Leos are born show-offs and they love performing. i so agree with it. haha !

homework, homework and more homework ! there's Mother Tounge reading report, 3 Mid Year Specimen Paper for Maths, 13 pages of English worksheets, a Chinese storybook to finish before school reopens (i am like only at page 32 when others are at page 40-50 plus -_-") and 6 chapters of an English storybook to finish before school reopens. PLUS, i have to catch up on what i don't understand on Maths and Science. darn it, Mr Ng is gone and i wonder who will be our next Science teacher ? will he be as nice as Mr Ng ? will we have fun lessons again ? hmm..

; for i know, you'll be there with me.

2007-05-25T08:11:00.000-07:00

Wednesday, 23th May

Happy birthday to Haiqel and happy belated birthday to Johnathan ! :D music lessons today were like free periods. so we camwhored :D (i suck in all photos ; i don't smile the way i used to)

Thurday, 24th May
it's exactly one month after SYF =/ i miss those days !

dance practice was such an awesome one ! but yingquan and the sec4s weren't there. it's quite a sad thing =/ we have an upcoming competition on the 15th July at Punngol North CC. but we don't have practices during the holidays. so when school reopens, we'll have 3 weeks to rush everything ! it's a multi-racial dance and my partner is JOEY LIM JUN NA :D she is like so tall when i stand beside her luh can. haha.

today is MR ANDY NG'S last science lesson with us. i was pretty sad. ain't it a sad thing when a nice and fun-loving teacher is leaving ? no more paradise in science lessons anymoreeeeee =/ after science lesson, MR NG said,"For the last time, thank you class". wahlau aye. make me feel like crying. he said as if he is never coming back.

Friday, 25th May

lessons were as usual. nothing happened much though. took photos with MR NG after school. ahhhhh, he damn cute luhhh. sad thing is, HE IS ALREADY ATTACHED =/

; i am so not photogenic

2007-05-22T07:01:00.000-07:00

God, i'm trying to love but i can't. Break me, Lord. Untie me from the strings of the world, Set me free and grant me liberation.

loving someone for your whole lifetime isn't as easy as loving someone for just one day. or even maybe less than a day.

Love. what does it really mean ? one kind of love is agape love. which also means unconditional love. but, is everyone loving unconditionally ? some people might love for the sake of loving. in other words, infatuation.

somehow, i can't seem to bring myself to love the people around me. actually not all but a handful of people. they are just so freaking irritating which makes me feel so disgusted and causing me to hate them. how can i let hatred take a toll over me ? what is the problem with me ?!

it's confessions time.
i haven't been going to church for the past month. yes, i know i'm somehow backsliding. everyweek, it seems like it's just a waste of time going to church. with HIM around, i feel so out of place. i'm not sure what the future holds for me. where will i be 3 months later ?

2007-05-21T03:35:00.001-07:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JOEL ! ^^ school was cool today ! guess what ? i brought my new winx club water bottle to school today ! haha. yay-ness. oh yarh, did i mention that i bought a new waterbottle in yesterday's post ?

got back the last exam paper today. people who did question 2 for the portrait failed. it was a sad thing luh. especially ANWAR ! he is such a good artist luh can. and yet, he got 46/100 -_-" mr abdullah thought that all of them used tracing paper to do their final design. but in fact, THEY DIDN'T ! who would be so silly to bring in a tracing paper and draw during the exam ?! [except VALARIE ONG !] haha.

started reading on The Royal Ballet School Diaries. the first 2 chapters is about a girl, Ellie who just made it to The Royal Ballet School in London and she was so excited to meet her new friends and start her life all over again in a ballet school. before she was selected, she went for the auditions. and during their routines, she accidentally bumped into a girl, Lara. on their first day of school, Ellie realised that Lara is in the same bunk as her and they were sleeping beside each other. but the sad thing was, Lara assumed that Ellie bumped into her purposely during the routine. so that was how the first day or school went for Ellie.

hmm, i wondered if i could be like Ellie. but not in ballet of course. i ain't ballet-trained AT ALL ! although i wished i was =/ well, probably in contemporary ? haha :D then i'll be enrolled into a contemporary school and i'll be staying there for the whole year and i'll only go back home in summer. the school is in London and my home will be here, in Singapore. so i'll be taking endless flights the whole year round in my contemporary school for 5 years ! ^^ then the time table might be contem lessons every morning ! wow, heaven heaven heaven :DD there might be character dancing classes too ! and choreography. and and gymnastics !! ahhh, i would be in paradise =D

oh great, back to reality and get on with your life, maeve :(

2007-05-20T05:01:00.000-07:00

had quality time with my mom today at downtown east and white sands (: it's been so so SO long since both mother and daughter went out. i am so glad that we managed to catch up with one another since we're both free today ^^

first, we went to downtown east and have lunch together. saw my eldest sister there too. then we continued to walk around downtown east and we bought cookies from subway :D err, cookies ? yeah, should be cookies. haha. the counter guy was pretty hot. haha. but too bad, he is kinda old for me luhs >.<

headed to white sands and we went to arcade and play !! loads of funny things happened luhs. haha. but it can't be mentioned here. oops, sorry =/ then, we went to Sans Bookshop. ohmyy, the books were like so few luh can. chinese books were more than english though. i somehow borrowed a book "The Royal Ballet School Diaries." if i manage to finish reading it in a month and return it in a good condition, i'll be able to get back $5.00 back ! cool. haha. i paid the book for myself although my mom offered to pay it for me ^^

we went to the neoprint shop ! i wanted to take with my mom in one of the machines but she didn't want to. ohwell, but we camwhored in those machines ! erm, not really camwhored but yeah. haha. i chose machines with nice background and took a few photos with my mom instead of neoprints ! cool aye ?

next we went to macs and eat =DD i only ate a little. merely pinched fries and put them in my mouth to swallow >.<

last stop, went to buy dinner for my sister then we headed home (: i promised my mom that i'll go and spend more time with her at Plaza Singapura during the June holidays ! and i can't wait to visit my very own shop there, man !! loves =D

2007-05-18T19:45:00.000-07:00

i know this is kinda late but well, here are those memories that were NEVER forgotten at UCC :D [i look super ugly in all the photos]

2007-05-18T06:41:00.001-07:00

a new addition to my family ?! oh my gosh. i'm so happy (: i won't be the youngest anymore ^^ err wait, means my niece, samantha will be older than her ahyi -_-" wierd.

HE has been calling me and messaging me since last week. after so many times, i've rejected HIS calls and deleted those messages. damn. tomorrow is saturday. what should i do when i see HIM ?! =/

2007-05-18T03:43:00.000-07:00

First things first, HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY RYAN, MY BELOVED COUSIN (: school was somehow wierd yet enjoyable for me today. during lessons, it was different from other days in a way which no words are able to comprehend..

got back almost all the papers. thank God, i did not fail any subjects. here are a summary of what i've achieved (:
SCIENCE : 67/100 [B3] MOTHER TOUNGE: 52/100 [C6] - and surprisingly, i've got 27/70 for my paper 2 >.< GEOGRAPHY: 58/100 [C5] MATHEMATICS: 66/100 [B3] DESIGN AND TECHNOLOGY: 76/100 **[A1]** :D - i've scored quite well for folio and artefact. but i was supposed to get 21.5/40 for theory but MR TAN WOON WEE calculated wrongly and he wrote 20/40. i admit i was careless for not checking my paper the moment i got it. so i went to ask him for marks today during recess. and guess what ? he shouted at me as if i owe him his life ! i was practically pissed. he didn't even look at the paper and he practically doesn't want his students to achieved higher scores. SCREW HIS FACE ! =/ ohwell. i've got my dearest mom to complain and i make sure he gets a scolding from Mr Sin. ENGLISH LANGUAGE: 64/100 [B4] - i just need another mark to achieve a B3 !! =/ LITERATURE: 57/100 [C5]

thank you CHERYL YEE JIA HUI, my lovely niece for comforting me during lesson :D she read my previous posts and she cheered me up ! yes, she is the one ! she made my day :D i love you darling.

i walked home with Mr Andy Ng and TianSoon becuase Mr Ng is buying me Winx Club stuff !! unfortunately, we didn't manage to find the shop. but there was this shop which sells Winx Club waterbottle holder. but that wasn't what i was looking for =( i wanted Mr Ng to buy me a Winx Club umbrella, a CD holder or a pencil case. so in the end, i didn't get my present =/ and Mr Ng spells Winy Club instead of Winx Club ! haha.

Fathers' Day is coming soon yeah ? i came across this while reading June's issue of Teens Magazine :

10 Things We Love About Dads

"Dads are often the 'neglected' parent, but there are so many things that they do that make us love them."

1) They're the voice of reason when mums get upset and blow things way out of proportion - and end up saving us from getting caned by mum.

2) They catch cockroaches, mice and other icky insects and animals that plague us.

3) They wait at the void deck to make sure we get home safe on late nights, and don't mind sending us to school in the morning if we wake up late.

4) They clear up the messes that gross us out, like dead cockroaches and giant spiders, or sometims broken glasses.

5) They fix things around the house - flickering light, dripping tap, broken chairs etc.

6) They buys us things that mums would never buy. Like a digital camera just for 'kids' to experiment with, or a playstation 3 so that he can play his favourite games along with us !

7) They teach us how to do 'dangerous' things like rollerblade, or ride a bike. Sometimes, they also teach us how to cook !

8) They bring us on a special "daddy - daughter/son dates" without our mums where you get to do things like play at the arcade, go on book-buying sprees, and eat fried food.

9) They worry about you, but are also willing to let you grow up and explore the world by studying abroad, or going studying trips without them.

10) They love us, and want the best for us, no matter how angry we might make them.

And most importantly, no matter how old are you, you'll always be daddy's little boy or girl.

This is MY version of this article about MY dad :

10 Things I Hate About Dad

1) He don't even know if mum scolds me and even if he does, he doesn't really give a damn.

2) He don't even know if there were any icky insects and animals that plague us.

3) He don't wait at the void deck to make sure I get home safe on late nights because he doesn't even know if i went out or not. And he doesn't even lives with us. So he doesn't really care if we're late for school or not.

4) He don't even give a piece of shit for his own rightful family, why would he even bother to come to this stupid damn house to clear messes that gross us out ? It's only mom, my sister or I will do the job.

5) He is too stupid to understand how to repair.

6) We don't even have a place in his heart. So why would he buy us stuff that we have always been longing for ?

7) He don't even hangs out with us nowadays. We learnt how to rollerblade or ride a bike by ourselves. And mom teaches us how to cook best food (:

8) If he wants a date with us one day, the sky will fall.

9) He NEVER worries about his children and wife.

10) He doesn't love us. He is just one despicable man who abandons us.

I will never be daddy's girl.

It's been almost half a year since i saw him. How great life can be. My mom is my best friend, my love and she will always be my mom (:

2007-05-17T04:38:00.003-07:00

my father is a bastard =/

2007-05-15T22:50:00.000-07:00

hmm, why can't i just access to my template ??

practice starts at 430pm today. and i MUSN'T be late !! i'm always late for appointment or practices. and i must say, it is my habit. and i have poor time management =/

she went to the court this morning. she met him there too. he was there to face judgement. and she was there to see him facing the truth. they were silent, very silent. they did not even look at each other. they just kept quiet as if they were strangers. but they were not. they had the love they once shared for a long time. now, it was gone.. could this have happened if he wasn't such a fool ? could this have happened if he wasn't a fallen angel ?

2007-05-14T21:44:00.000-07:00

oh great. now i can't change my template =( i want to change to the skin that my temporary blog has. but too bad, it ain't about dance. gosh, i just realised how crazy i am over dance ! =DD

mothers' day was just 2 days ago. well, HAPPY MOTHERS' DAY. didn't get my mom a gift or anything. haha. but i have been a very good girl :) i even offered to fetch my mom from white sands when it was raining okay ! ^^ but she declined -_-" well, i somehow wondered, what if someone is going to take my mom away ? what will i do ? how will the rest of my sisters' and my life would be ? papa is gone. will mama be gone too ? =/

i'm kinda getting used to the brace now. but i still can't get to eat SOLID FOOD =( all i have to eat is porridge, cereal AND water. but, the good thing is.. I LOST 3KG IN JUST 3 DAYS !! haha. i'm damn happy =DD i'm getting slimmer and slimmer (",*)

art is the last paper for MYE and it is today !! whoohoo. i bet everyone will be going crazy by now. i'll be going out with quite a number of people SOON ^^ there's YINGQUAN, RACHEL, JIAHWEI and company to hang out for shopping, YVONNE CHUA ; my long-lost best friend, WENFEN for dinner perhaps, ADELINE and company for sun-tanning !! yeah, baby (:

2007-05-04T21:17:00.000-07:00

ouch ! i hate separators !! screw that damn thing !! =/ went for dental appointment yesterday to put that damn separator and OUCH ! it hurts like hell. i can't eat solid food.. oh my mamaaaaaaa. and i have to put that damn thing for 1 week and after that braces. ahh. screw that thing luhs.

i'm having serious mood swings. i'm getting so irritated with lots of stuff. arghh. i can't concentrate on studying because of the pain that the damn separator is giving me. and now, there is this stupid freaking spammer that is spamming my blog. and my friends are adding oil to the fire. argh ! won't you people just leave that spammer alone ? i know you guys are trying to help me. thanks anyway. but just don't care about the spammer okay ? you guys are polluting my blog as well ! arghh. screw the world !! =/

; as i am still hating myself. love, won't you just come and save me from the world that is crashing down ?

2007-05-02T05:27:00.001-07:00

"We Believe" by Good Charlotte, "You're Beautiful" by James Blunt and "Everytime We Touch" by Cascada are giving me sad memories of last year. i don't wanna think about it ever again. i think i hate him so much. and it all voice downs to one word. LOVE...

i'll be putting braces on the 11th may. so people, the time when you see me, it might be the last time you'll see me before putiing braces. and the next time you see me without braces will be the next 2 years. haha (:

; i love you till the ends of the earth.

2007-04-28T00:02:00.000-07:00

WINX CLUB <3 finally i managed to wake up early without my alarm clock to watch winx club ! just realised that they were already showing the new series. and they have already changed the songs. i want them !!! =DDD

gosh. i'm missing SYF practices on saturday mornings. ahhh !!! i miss those SYF days. oh my mama, bring those days back to meeeee. I WANT THOSE SYF DAYS BACK NOW !! =(

2007-04-27T04:38:00.000-07:00

SILVER <3
i never knew that we'll manage to attain a silver. although a gold was my dream but i'm seriously contented with a silver (: i'll never forget the day of SYF 2007. it was one of the most memorable performance i had with all my lovely seniors. an experience so fufilling =D

i've been rather emotional lately. the next day after SYF, i was 100% stressed in school. it was pretty hard to get SYF off my mind and get down to exams. i couldn't change the environment so quickly. things were difficult. i didn't bring this thing and that. i forgot there were tests. i forgot to bring my art work for submission. i couldn't understand what a single hell thing the teacher was teaching. i kept thinking about SYF.

almost half of the school day was gone on wednesday, i couldn't take it. i broke down and i cried. i wish i wasn't so emotional. i just hate myself. argh !

i need help with maths and science !!! =(

2007-04-24T05:57:00.001-07:00

"Serial number 59, GreenView Secondary School", the guy announced and we got into our positions in anxiety. throughout the whole entire dance, i tried, i smiled, i gave my best shot. what more could i do to attain a gold ? or at least a silver. i almost fell on stage after doing a pirouette even though i conquered my steps with energy, enjoyment and passion. but why must i fall during the competition itself ? after so many times of practice, hard work and sweat, why must it be today ? i don't understand why. perhaps i was too nervous. i'm such a loser.

i mantained my smile, energy and passion even though i screwed up. after the performance, i cried. tears just flowed down uncontrollably. i think my mistake was very obvious. but miss yeo and mdm azlina said it wasn't. are they telling the truth or were they just consoling me ? i was left hanging there.

we went to see the rest of the schools performed. and i think Gan Eng Seng Secondary School's dance is superb (: very creative and nice. simply, captivating.

this competition or rather a time of dancing was the last for yingquan, nicole and huihui. i'm really very sad now. they've stepped down from modern dance and i cannot bear to see them leave. this is already their last year in greenview and after so many years or rather months of bonding. i bet i'll miss yingquan the most. she is one woman who admires guys who can dance and i'll never forget the times i've got to know her through public performance and many many many many performances we had together. I LOVE YOU, YINGQUAN (:

last thing. i saw a super cute malay guy at the backstage. he is one of the crew assisting us from the holding area to the backstage. he is 18 =DD he has gorgeous eyes and a really charming smile. i should have taken a photo with him and gotten his handphone number ! =/ when we were leaving UCC, yingquan, rachel and i saw him wearing a silver coloured mask and he put his jacket hood on his head. SUPER CUTE ! ^^

i left the place holding my memories there. UCC is a place where all my sadness and highness is. i'll never go back to UCC again until i need a fresh touch of recovering from my setback. but i hope i'll be able to see the super cute malay guy again ! haha.

; this is just the beginning of my dance experience. i know there's more to come (:

*it was even better to struggle with a step and then experience the glory of conquering it, rather than be able to do everything straightaway.

she is the woman i love <3

2007-04-23T06:03:00.001-07:00

gosh. this is so freaking me out. tomorrow is SYF !! ahhh. my freaking goodness. i am damn nervous now luhs can. crap luhs. so afraid that we'll cock everything up ! so afraid that our timings and steps will be messed up !! i seriously don't want to disappoint miss yeo, man. we've been through so much for all these months. we really want a gold. or at least a silver ((:

i couldn't sleep last night. shit ! but finally, i slept at 3 or 4am. what the heck. i had less that 1 hour of sleep luh can. wahalu aye. don't know what was my freaking problem. perhaps i've been worrying too much about SYF. arghh. i feel the tension rising so quickly !! and my adrenaline is gushing in so heavily !!

Father, i pray that everything will be in Your hands tomorrow. Grant us a good flow of body movements and i pray that You'll take control of everything. Thank You, Lord Jesus. Amen (:

Pray when the road is steep
Pray when your hope gets weak
Know the Father hears through
The silence and the tears, you

2007-04-21T05:34:00.000-07:00

i'm coming back to the heart of worship. when it's all about you. it's all about you, Jesus. i've been restored once again. God touched me during worship. i surrendered all my troubles, my hurts and pains.

i think i was pretty noisy during sermon. haha. i ate gabriel's sweet ! ^^ i saw him drawing a spongebob on his paper so i asked him to draw one for me on my paper. i told my sister that he is drawing spongebob then she heard as JOY BOX. haha. wahlau aye. i laugh like hell luh can. haha.

this is gabriel's spongebob. SO CUTE <3>

toblerones are love !!! <3

told charmaine about why haven't i been going for cell already. well, not exactly EVERYTHING. but i told her who was the cause of it. and i'm really glad she understands. i somehow don't think HE is a VERY GOOD example. always sleeps in service. doesn't really give a damn about people. his members haven't been coming for cell quite sometime and he don't even bother to ask what's happening. what kind of shit is this ? there is another reason why i haven't been going for cell. it's not about HIM but it's something else which is strictly personal. and only God knows.

i ever thought of quitting cell, quitting church and everything. cuz` the hurt is too deep. but what's stopping me is my ministry. dance ministry. i cannot bear to let go of it. the relationship i have with all of the dancers are so close especially some of them. i myself as a leader thinks that i shouldn't just quit dance simply because of those hurts i had. that would be so unfair. dance is not really stable now. attendance is not very good. what are the plans God has for us ? plans to prosper us and not to harm us ? plans to give us a hope and a future ? i can't bring myself to forgive the people in my cell.

; the future is left uncertain.